Page 79 of The Destruction You Desire
Then all hell breaks loose.
Swiping my arm across the counter, the few bottles that were littering the top go scattering across the small bathroom, ricocheting off the toilet and bouncing on the tiled floor.
"Argh," I scream, lifting my hands to my hair and pulling until it hurts. When that's not enough, I turn toward the door and rain my fists down on the chipped paintwork.
Part of me wishes that he's playing me and that he didn't just leave and is about to smash his way inside and show me that the decision I just made was wrong.
But that's not what happens because he left.
I knew he would the second I looked into his eyes.
Those words, me demanding he leave, gutted him.
He really thought that things were getting better here, maybe that we were embarking on the beginning of something. And that's exactly why I know what I just did was the right thing to do.
I can't let myself fall back into my old safety net that is Luca Dunn. I'm better than that now, stronger. I refuse to lose myself in him, lean on him, rely on him.
Turning the shower on as hot as it will go—which admittedly isn't all that hot—I step under barely feeling the burn.
I don't even remember my journey to the hospital, and as I sit beside my sleeping sister once more, I'm completely numb. My brain refuses to focus on anything other than trying to convince me that I did the right thing. My heart, on the other hand, that feels like it's about to shatter into a million pieces once again.
The pain of him leaving is akin to the day he called me a liar and turned his back on me, only this time, it really is my fault.
Thankfully, my sister's vitals are still good so when Dr. Willis appears during her afternoon rounds, she confirms that they are going to start reducing her sedation so they can see how responsive she is.
* * *
The next four days are the most terrifying of my life, sitting alone and waiting for any kind of life from Libby. But still, I refuse to respond to any of the calls or messages I get from Luca. I speak to Aunt Fee, Letty, even Leon regularly and I know they're all feeding info back to him, but I just can't bring myself to reach out.
I'm still conflicted over the decision I made because having been here alone now longer than he was here with me, I know how much easier he was making it. Just to have him hold me when it was all getting to be too much. To feel the warmth of his thumbs as he wiped tears off my cheeks. The escape he offered me once we retreated to our motel room.
I expected to be kicked out of the motel room. I have no idea how many nights Luca paid for, but I know my time must be running out, and despite the fact it's probably cheap, I already know I can't afford to pay for it. All my spare money goes to Mom and Kayden's medical debts, and that's something that isn't going to be changing anytime soon.
I stare at Libby, unbelievably grateful to Luca for paying for all of this for her and not just piling more debt on my shoulders, but even still, I feel guilty for taking it, even if it is Brett's money at the end of the day. I never want to feel like a charity case, and although I know that that wasn't his intention, I still can't help feeling that way about it.
"Come on, Lib. Just give me a sign that everything is going to be okay."
Dr. Willis and the nurses have warned me about the state she could wake up in. Not only is she going to be totally disorientated, but we also have no idea how much memory she'll have of how she ended up here.Add in the detox from the meth on top of all that and it could be intense, to say the least.
I can't help hoping for the best though. For a miracle. It's the only thing I've got to latch on to right now while the rest of my world feels like it's falling apart.
My cell buzzes in my pocket and just like every time it rings, my heart jumps into my throat thinking that I'm about to stare down at his name and continue my internal battle as to whether I should just answer or not.
It's stupid, but disappointment floods me when I see Aunt Fee's name instead. I shouldn't care, it's what I wanted but the thought of him going back to Maddison and continuing on with his life like I told him to makes me feel physically sick. Has he gone running straight to another woman? A jersey chaser to make him feel better?
Bile burns up my throat as I accept the call and switch it onto speakerphone. I do it every time Aunt Fee calls just in case Libby can hear her.
"Hey love, any news?" Aunt Fee asks hopefully, but with every day that passes, it gets a little less.
The doctors have assured me that it's normal for people to take their time waking up. Libby's body has been through so much and it just needs this time to heal.
I want to say the words are reassuring, but every hour that passes without any progress only terrifies me more.
I can't lose my sister too. I just can't.
"Nope," I say sadly, my heart aching as I do. "Still nothing. They don't seem to be concerned though."
"She just needs time. When she's ready, she'll come back to us."
