Page 19 of The Devastation You Reap
But they don't understand. Even if I did tell them everything, every dark and twisted truth that I hold inside me, they still wouldn’t understand my need to do what I'm doing.
"It'll all come out eventually, you know that, right? You can only lie to everyone around you for so long."
She's right. Of course she is. But the thought of that happening sends a chill racing down my spine.
Just imagining the way they'll look at me. The disgust, the pity, the attempt at compassion when really, they have no fucking clue what it was like, how each day is a struggle to put the nightmares behind me and live my life as if I'm fucking normal.
My grip on the bottle in my hand tightens as my need to walk straight back out of the house so I can go and feed the beast living inside me with some of the revenge it craves becomes almost too much to bear.
"Whatever," I mutter, pushing my stool back and standing. But I'm not quick enough in my escape and Peyton's hot hand lands on my forearm, halting my movement.
"I'm here, Lee. Luc too. Letty. Aunt Fee if you want someone impartial. We just want to help."
A lump forms in my throat as I stare down at her delicate hand on my tan arm, unable to look up and meet her eyes for fear of what she'll see in mine.
"I know, and I appreciate it."
Without another word, I rip my arm free and march out of the room.
"Everything okay?" Luca asks, turning toward the kitchen as I make my escape.
His eyes hold mine for a beat before he looks over his shoulder at Peyton.
"Yeah, everything's great."
His eyes narrow in warning, but it's not necessary. He should know I wouldn't try anything with Peyton no matter how shit life gets. He still doesn't trust me after the whole Letty thing. I get it. But everything is different now. I'm on the cusp of getting everything I've been craving for years, and there's nothing that's going to fuck that up for me now.
Forgetting about heading for the stairs, I turn back toward the front door and barge past my brother.
"What the fuck is your problem?" he barks, having no choice but to move aside.
I flip him off over my shoulder before storming through the front door and toward my car.
I wasn't going to go tonight. I was going to fight it. But fuck it. A quick visit to see my new pet won't hurt.
5
Macie
"Uh… Macie?" Nathan calls from the bottom of the stairwell as I race toward our floor in the hope of avoiding his inquisition. I know it's wishful thinking, I just got out of Leon Dunn's car. He's going to have a million questions.
I keep running, my heart pounding in my chest but it's pointless. Nathan is six foot four of pure muscle and legs that are almost longer than my entire body.
"Nice try," he says when he catches up with me at the door of our dorm room barely looking like he made any effort whereas I'm a panting, sweaty mess from the exertion I'm not used to.
"There's nothing to tell," I say, pushing through into our living area and praying the others aren't here to also witness this.
"Oh really. So it's a normal thing for you to get lifts with the football team, is it? You hate those guys."
"I know, Nate. I know," I say, irritation flowing through me at his big brother act. I yank the refrigerator door open and pull out a bottle of water. "I'm aware of how I feel about guys like Leon Dunn. Trust me, you don't have to remind me.
"Shit, Mace," he says, lifting his hand to the back of his neck. "I didn't mean—"
"It's okay. I'm sorry, it's just… it's been a crazy night."
"Wanna talk about it?"
I shrug. Is there anything to really talk about?
