Page 54 of The Retaliation You Deliver
I hesitate. What I really should do is leave. I should walk out when he needs me most, but one more look in his haunted green eyes and I know that I can’t bring myself to do it, not yet at least.
Seeing his pain, his torment means I do as he wants and crawl under the sheets.
He sheds his own towel seconds later and I watch as he slips in beside me.
We lay on our sides staring at each other silently for the longest time.
I beg him to talk, to tell me anything that might relieve some of his burdens but he doesn’t and eventually he must get fed up with my silent pleading because he shifts us, turning me over and pulling my back against his front, his arm clamped around my waist, holding me tightly to him.
My exhausted body sinks into the luxurious mattress beneath me and I’m almost about to drift off when he finally speaks. I have no idea if he thinks I’m already asleep but I keep still and try to keep my breathing shallow in the hope he doesn’t stop.
“My dad knew,” he whispers. “I told him what had happened that summer. It took every ounce of strength I possessed to confess. Richard was his friend. One of his best friends. I knew telling him, having him accept it was going to be hard. What I never expected was for him to dismiss it as if it was nothing, as if it was normal.”
Tears burn my eyes for that lost little boy. For the scared little girl who wasn’t able to help.
Guilt stronger than I’ve ever felt wraps its claws around my chest until it’s almost impossible to keep my breathing steady.
“He told me that I just had to get over it. That Richard was the best teacher I’d ever get, that he’d improve my chances of the NFL more than any other, that I had to listen to every word he said to me, follow all his instructions.”
A shudder rips through my body and there’s no way he doesn’t feel it.
“That year was the first. The first of three. Each summer after that first one, I would beg my dad not to send me but he always refused. Told me how lucky I was to attend such a prestigious camp that boys across the country coveted. Lucky,” he spits.
“The only lucky thing about that whole experience is that I somehow survived it.”
His arms release me a little, his fingers starting to draw circles on my belly.
“I know you’re awake, Red.”
I tense but I don’t respond, I’m too scared he’ll stop and turn back into the vicious Leon again. I could handle that version of him earlier, but I’m too exhausted to even think about it now.
“Everything you said earlier is true. My entire teenage and adult life has been overshadowed by him, by my need to take him down. Without it, without my need to find you, to hurt you, I don’t know who I am.”
“He shouldn’t have the power to make you forget yourself like that, Leon.”
“I know. But he does.”
I nod because I understand. I was that person for a lot of years as well.
“Will you tell me what you went through?” he asks, his gentle movements against my skin lulling me to sleep.
“Maybe one day,” I whisper before sleep claims me and I drift off into oblivion where none of this exists.
10
Leon
The weight of his body presses against mine, pinning me to his desk and my stomach rolls knowing what comes next.
“No, please,” I cry, exhausted from a full day of running plays. “I can’t do this, please,” I beg, but like always, it doesn’t stop him.
He knows what he wants and he couldn’t care less about me.
“Be a good boy, Dunn. Stay nice and still. That’s it,” he encourages, although I know he doesn’t mean it. He might pretend that he wants me to be compliant but we both know he loves it when I fight, which is why I’ve given up.
I’ve learned that if I just comply, it’s usually over faster, the pain almost bearable, the disgust that rolls through me almost ignorable. Almost.
“No,” I cry as he pushes his hand into my shorts.
