Page 62 of The Retaliation You Deliver
“Kill him, Macie. Kill him,” Nate shouts, dragging me back to the here and now.
I glance at the screen to see the guy he’s shouting about and aim my gun in his direction.
“Shit, that was close,” he breathes, continuing on with the game and ignoring the fact that I’m clearly not paying an ounce of attention to what’s going on.
Glancing over at him, I wince at the state of his face. Guilt coils it’s way around me. It’s a feeling that I’m more than used to, but not when it comes to Nate. That feeling usually only belongs to Leon.
“I’m okay, Mace. You don’t need to keep looking at me like I’m about to break. It’s not the first time someone’s punched me, and I doubt it’ll be the last.”
“That’s not the point,” I mutter as he pauses the game so he can turn his attention solely on me. “It never should have happened in the first place.”
He stares at me, one brow lifting.
“He’s possessive for someone who claims he doesn’t want you, don’t you think?”
“He doesn’t want me. It’s—”
“Complicated. I know, you’ve said. A few times, actually.”
I hold his eyes, begging him not to ask me what happened last night again.
I might have been forthcoming with the information with Letty, but Nathan doesn’t need details of what happened. He wouldn’t understand, of that I’m sure.
Nathan is so sweet, gentle, caring. That hearing how Leon treated me—despite the fact I would argue that I wanted it—would horrify him, I’m sure.
No, what happened last night is better kept quiet. My memories need to stay locked up in that little box where I’ve pushed everything I don’t want to deal with for years now. I’m well practiced at it. If I don’t, I fear I might start thinking about doing something crazy. Like turning up at his front door and demanding he do it again.
I slam the door shut on that line of thought before it runs away with me.
“I think I’m done with this,” I say, putting the controller down on Nate’s bed and standing from where we were sitting side by side resting back against his headboard. “I need some fresh air.”
“Want company?” he asks, following my move and dropping the controller as he kicks his legs off the bed.
“No, I’m okay. I’m just going to walk around for a bit, then I’ve got assignments to do.”
“You could have the night off, you know.”
“Like I did last night?” I regret the question the second it falls from my mouth because I know it’ll only make him more suspicious. “I won’t be long.”
I walk out of his room without looking back because I just know the pity I’ll see that’s going to be written all over his face.
I grab my purse and jacket and slip out of the dorm. Jogging down the stairs, I take a left and head across campus, breathing in the early evening air, hoping it’ll help settle me in the way this place has since I first arrived.
This place felt like home until I drove back into town on Friday. Now it just feels like everywhere else I’ve been. A place where I merely survive.
I don’t realize how far I’ve walked until I approach the entrance for the park where I come every Monday night.
There’s hardly anyone around as I walk through the gates and make my way to my bench.
Lowering myself down, I suck in what I hope is a calming breath. But it doesn’t help. This place is as tainted by him as everywhere else.
For just those few short days, he became such a huge part of my life that now it feels like he’s left a huge gaping hole with his absence.
I hate it.
He shouldn’t have been able to worm his way in that easily.
I’ve spent my life building up my walls, refusing to let anyone close to me and somehow he managed to obliterate them without me even knowing.
