Page 101 of Friendshipped
I jokingly call it Rebound Ranch. Some men throw themselves into another relationship too quickly after a breakup. My brother threw himself into alfalfa and pygmy goats.
He also has a super-moody llama in one of his pastures. He named her Lily. I call her Drama-Llama. She could out-spit Bubba White, and I think he held the record among all the boys in Bordeaux back in the day.
Aiden’s over by the barn when I pull up. He waves and I walk toward him, taking a big breath, which smells like manure and alfalfa. It’s oddly comforting—country air.
“What brings you out to the boondocks?” Aiden asks as he opens the gate and walks into the field where his pygmy goats run and leap and chew on things. They are wildly entertaining.
Lily the drama llama sees me approaching the pasture and she launches into making this noise that sounds like she swallowed a large squeaky toy. Aiden starts cracking up.
“That’s her alarm sound. You’re a threat, I guess.”
I hold my arms up like I’m being accosted by law enforcement and Lily continues to bray, or squeak or whatever she’s doing. Goats start dropping left and right. It’s their startle reflex.
They look like they are fainting. They stiffen, go rigid and fall over on their side. It’s like this epidemic of fainting goats everywhere as Lily whines. The goats evidently think it’s some sort of barnyard Armageddon.
“I hope your effect on women is better than the impression you make on my animals,” Aiden teases.
“Ha ha. That’s partly why I’m here, actually.”
“Because you are causing women to faint?”
“You’re on a roll.”
“I don’t get many visitors. I have to save my humor and let it all out in one shot. So, what gives?”
I take a big breath and lean back on the fencing. Aiden lifts a pitchfork full of hay and hauls it over the fence and into the feeding trough.
“I’ve got problems. Meg’s back, you know. She’s like a baby duck who imprinted on me. She shows up randomly when I’m out around town, and even called me at work this week. I just finished helping her move into her apartment with Ella Mae. She kept finding ways to touch me the whole time.”
“I heard about you helping with the move.”
“What? How?”
“I went into town to get feed for the goats this morning and Brian Dashwood was chatting it up at the tractor supply about you helping Meg move.”
I rub my hand down my face.
“Well, even if Meg weren’t in the picture, I have a bigger problem.”
“I’m all ears.”
“It’s Lexi. I thought in time I could let my feelings for her die off, but they only seem to be growing stronger over time.”
I pause, take a breath and say, “I’m in love with her.”
Aiden nods like this isn’t a news flash.
“But she’s not in love with me. So, I asked Laura to help me win her over.”
Aiden lets out a low whistle.
A few of the goats come galloping over as if he called them. Trotting? Leaping?
They are adorable. I bend down and rub one behind its ears. It stays near me for about a half second and then dashes off like the distractible animal it is.
“Calling on Laura to help. That’s serious stuff,” Aiden says.
“She got me on this dating app with a bogus profile. Now I’m texting with Lexi as a fake guy and she’s starting to show interest in him … well, me … but me as him. I’m ready to ask her out, but I’m so scared when she sees it’s me, she’ll freak out and it will be the end of everything with her.”
