Page 107 of Doctorshipped
“I’m really okay. I was just thinking about what happens when all the rosy newness fades.”
“Oh, Jayme.” Lexi reaches over and puts a hand on my knee. “Remember when Felicia talked us into that dating app?”
“How could I forget?”
“You jumped in with both feet.”
“I did, didn’t I?”
“You were fresh off that breakup with the man who shall never be mentioned, and you were so hopeful and willing.”
“Lot of good that did me.”
I sound as bad as Grant right now.
“Well, me either, when you think of it!”
“Right?”
We both laugh.
“But in some ways that led you to Trevor.”
“It did,” she sighs. “But the point is, you were so wide open, and then, over time, the pain of Shane’s—sorry, that guy’s—betrayal started to crust over and you determined you wouldn’t need a man, or want one. And we were all behind you. We all still would be if that were what you really wanted.”
I nod. I know they would back me for any stance I took on anything unless it were criminal, and even then, Laura might just show up with a shovel and a bag.
“But, you don’t really want singleness, do you? You want this thing with Grant, whatever it is, and whatever it becomes. And you deserve all the fluffy newness of it. That part of falling for someone is so sweet. So, let yourself have that. Don’t rain on your own parade with worries about how you’ll end up fighting, or what you’ll do if and when whatever future catastrophe strikes. Dive into the sweetness of these early days. Let yourself have this gift.”
I smile at her.
“And tell me some of the deets, sweet sister. I’m over here six months preggers and looking like a baby hippo who can’t even see her own feet. I need some juicy details to live off of.”
I giggle. “He says the sweetest things to me. Like, I told him all these things I found attractive about him. And he turned around and said he loves my ridiculous shirts, and my indomitable spirit, and he loves my eyes. He even likes my curves.”
“What do you meaneven? Of course he likes your curves. I bet he more than likes them.”
I think about it. Why would I say,even?
“Isn’t it crazy? All those years ago, and a guy who didn’t have the capacity to really love or care for anyone but himself said some things to me, and I let his opinions become points on my compass to this day.”
“Your ex?”
“Yes. Shane. He used to tell me how much prettier I’d be if I lost a little weight.”
“He needs to be strung up by his toes while we throw rotten vegetables and old socks at him.”
“Right? But his comments got to me. I thought I had risen above them, because I always feel good about who I am. Really. I guess dating Grant—or whatever we’re doing, a whole lot of kissing and some cuddling, and some talking about the future—anyway, it made me feel insecure about all the things Shane used to criticize.”
“Well, Grant’s not Shane.”
“He’s so not. Not even close. Grant is a man. Shane was like this selfish man-child. I don’t know what I even saw in him. And I know not every ex-boyfriend is a creep, but he was.”
“His deception and infidelity told me everything I ever needed to know about him. Any man who can’t see what a vintage bottle of awesome sauce you are needs their head examined.”
“Thanks.”
“And Grant definitely sees you as you are, and he loves your curves.”
