Page 13 of Ripped & Shipped
Chris chuckles. It’s not a real laugh, but it’s glorious in its own way. His eyes crinkle just the slightest, and I feel the same rush I would if my follower count jumped up another five thousand in one day. He’s a hard sell. That’s all I’m feeling. It’s a rush to get a man like Chris to crack a smile, let alone chuckle.
“I wouldn’t know,” Chris says, his face returning to its resting impassive state.
“I’m guessing you might be more fun than you let on. But as I always say, you do you, boo.”
“Were you the one who made up that ridiculous saying?”
“No, and no. It’s not ridiculous, and I didn’t make it up. It’s a fantastic encouragement to be exactly who we each are—a celebration of uniqueness. I only wish I coined it. But even though I didn’t, I still say it all the time.”
“Well, what if being me is just not a lot of fun?”
He almost seems serious. But I’m mostly sure he’s mocking me. It’s getting late and I’m cooking supper—a supper to celebrate my upcoming rise to greater notoriety. I’m not going to let some local, small-minded, small-town, wet blanket of a man ruin my happy mood.
“I’ve gotta run. Steak and potatoes are calling my name,” I say with a wink.
Winking bugs Chris. I’ve watched him cringe every time I do it.
He doesn’t gratify me with a reaction. Instead, he just says, “Yeah.” And then he pushes his cart past me without another word. Not a goodbye, not a grunt, not a look back over his shoulder to check out how amazing I look in this skirt—which is ah-maze-zing, in case you wondered. I know you didn’t. You knew. I’m rocking this skirt.
But does Chris appreciate the gratuitous view of my retreating curves and long legs? No. He. Doesn’t. Chris just pushes on as if I’m as insignificant as the bug he swiped off his windshield on the way over to the grocery store this evening.
Forget him.
Frustrating, stoic soldier.
Who needs men like him when I’ve got eight million people who hang on my every word and action?
Not me. That’s for sure.
Well, my sweet followers and fans, I’ve got a huge HUGE HUUUUGE announcement!
As some of you noticed @DrakesDaMan commented on my post last week. Holla! And, while I’m always growing, having a huge influencer like him here on my page gave me all sorts of warm fuzzies.
You know ladies. I know you know. I mean Drakes-Da-Man for sure!
Anyway, he and I have been in touch and he’s actually here in the midwest for a visit with his family.
So … are you sitting down? Well, maybe you should be if you’re prone to fainting. Or if you like jumping up and down when you hear big news, then get outta yo’ seat, girl. Because … drum roll … Drake and I are doing some throwback collabs!
Yes! You heard me!
The first collab will be this Wednesday at 5:30pm.
What are you waiting for? Grab your phone and set an alarm.
Drake and I have put together a poll on his site where you can actually pick the food you want us to eat at a certain restaurant. (Shhh. I’m not telling where). I’ll be traveling to meet Drake on Wednesday and we’ll be livestreaming right from the restaurant! (That’s filming live for those of you who don’t know what livestreaming means).
We’ll eat what you picked for us and rate our meals. So, go on over to DrakesDaMan.Website and cast your vote for our meals, appetizers, drinks, and desserts.
This should be tons of fun.
And yes, @ariapilatesgoddess, don’t you worry your cutie patootie. I will be doing extra yoga and pilates and drinking only green drinks the day before and after this massive, epic, amazing collab.
So … go now! Mark the time for 5:30 pm on Wednesday on your calendar and JOIN US!
Comments:
@always_wearing_prada_gurrrll: DrakesDaMan! Shut the front door! You’re so lucky! Drake is soooo ??????. Are you two an item?
