Page 82 of Ripped & Shipped
My breath hitches when I see the one where Chris is about to kiss me. I can’t stop my smile from breaking free at some of the yoga ones. These are fantastic. They definitely meet the intended goal. Chris and I look like a power couple doing yoga and then enjoying a little cuddle time on the couch.
I select ten pictures and upload them with a caption.
Well, peeps! This is a big announcement!
I’ve been single, and not-so-ready to mingle for a while now, as you know. I embrace my independence.
No men needed! I’m complete as the woman I am.
But sometimes, out of the blue, a handsome man with a heart of gold steps up at just the right moment. Maybe you knew him your whole life. But he was never (and I mean never) the one you had your eye on.
Of course, you knew he was good looking. I’m pretty sure blind women can see the beauty of this man. Whew-eee.
But one night, when you’ve had the biggest plans of your life and they fall through, well, that’s the night he shows up. And yes, those of you who’ve been around here, you guessed it. You shipped us. Chris is the one. Mr. Shoulders, whatever you want to call him. He’s the guy who literally came into my life like a dark horse and won my heart.
So, here I am, sharing with you the best thing that ever happened to me. This man. He’s ex-military, stubborn, funny, a jack-of-all-trades, my latest yoga partner, and surprisingly sweet. And yes, his kisses are to die for!
So, as of this week, he’s all mine. And, I’m his.
So, let the hashtagging begin #rippedandshipped #ChellaMaeBae #myguy #hesthebest #thatbeardthough #couplesyoga #hemakesmelaugh #hemakesmesmile #hegetsme #militarymenarethehottest #mysoldier
I look over what I wrote, scroll through the photos one more time, and hitPost. My words feel a little too raw, but my followers won’t know that, and neither will that bull-headed soldier who’s out front painting my porch right now.
The comments stream in almost instantly. So many people are saying how happy they are for me. Others comment that I’m a lucky girl. A lot of them say how cute we are together. Other hashtags I didn’t think to use pop up, like, #relationshipgoals, #powercouple (I knew it!), #couplesofinstagram, #EllasFella, and more. I keep scrolling, writing responses like,Thanks, girlie!and,Yep! He’s amazing. All the while, I’d like to go hit him over the head with one of the floorboards he’s been using to fix the porch. Why does he have to be so infuriating?
I guess that’s a man for you.
Mom’s voice chooses this moment to chime in.You can’t count on a man to fill your needs or complete your life. They’re fickle creatures, never to be fully trusted, especially not with your heart.
I know that’s some messed-up, dystopian relationship advice, but it’s served me nonetheless. And it will do me well to remember the essential truths hidden in my mom’s dysfunctional wisdom. I can’t really count on Chris. I can only count on myself. And, in a way, that’s good news. Because I can’t control that unpredictable man on my porch, but I’ve got all the power of choice in my own hands when it comes to how I live my life.
I nod my head as if I’m agreeing with myself.
I’m going to have to share that nugget with Journey next weekend. I won’t tell her about us faking, but I’ll share the wisdom in self-reliance, I know she’ll eat that up with a spoon. As long as I keep my eyes on the prize, treat these photo shoots with Chris like fun times and nothing more, my heart will remain safe and sound.
CHAPTER28
Chris
I finishedmy work for the day and I’m sitting here flipping channels on the television, finding nothing worth watching—or at least nothing that could hold my attention. It’s late afternoon, and Duke’s coming over in a little bit. I’m not really in the mood for company, but like the bloodhound he is, Duke sensed I’d gone into full-blown hermit mode, and of course, that made him insist he’s popping by.
It’s been two days since I’ve seen my “girlfriend.” That invitation from Drake shouldn’t have mattered to me. Ella Mae’s a free woman. If she wants to fly to LA to see him, why should I care?
The guy’s obviously a complete tool. He stood Ella Mae up. I’ll never forget the look of dejection in her eyes that night. Maybe I owe him a thank you for doing me a favor. If he hadn’t skipped out, I never would have sat with her, and things wouldn’t be … whatever they are right now.
I’ve been on my account and posted the pictures Ella Mae sent me. I also posted a few of me working out so my account doesn’t look like I’m this guy just sitting around pining for his girlfriend.
That would be pathetic, right?
Thankfully, no one here in town has a clue I have an Instagram account. Ella Mae got on my post of the yoga pictures and commented the same day I posted. She put all these kissy-face emojis and said,Luv you, Big Boy. That comment cemented the fact that she’s all in for the fakery. Not so much for anything other than that. Which is fine. Totally good. I mean, when we’re in her front room, or at Frisch’s Big Boy, we can have our moments that end up making me delusional. But in real life, we can’t … and shouldn’t … and won’t.
Then Meg commented,You two are perfect for one another.
They also both commented on my workout pictures. Ella Mae’s comments made me chuckle.Definitely shoulder day today, andOooh la la. That’s what I’m saying, andGive me all of that and a side of fries. She’s crazy.
The most important outcome of all this effort has been the reaction from ImSOBeefy. He wrote a comment under Ella Mae’s post that said,You should have picked me, Ella Mae. I’m still here if things don’t work out.What a jerk. But still, it seems he got the message that she’s taken. Hopefully that sticks after a few more posts from us.
I pick up my phone like a complete masochist and scroll over to Ella Mae’s account. She’s got a new reel up. I check it out. She’s talking about thinking positive, and then she transitions into presenting the best shoes for this summer’s wardrobe. The rest of the video is devoted to multiple images of her feet flashing in rapid succession with various sandals and shoes on. Why does this spark a desire to go see her feet in person? Well, not just her feet—her.
