Page 8 of Naughty & Nice
“Snow still your favorite?” he asks, reaching out to brush his fingertips over my skin.
My eyes snap to his because it is an innocent enough touch. Just him brushing big thick snowflakes off my face. Only how can anything between us be remotely innocent? Fire races down my spine as I go unsteady on my boots. His eyes darken as his touch lingers, his fingers smoothing snow from my face, curling hair behind my ear, and tangling in the thick waves.
Breath chokes in my chest as I take a step forward, needing to be closer to his warmth. He smells like fresh mountain air and teakwood cologne and I take a breath at last, filling my lungs with him. He chuckles softly, bending his head as he towers over me.
“Still wear the same stuff, sunshine,” his lips brush my ear as he speaks, and I shudder.
“Same stuff I bought you,” I whisper the words to his chest, so close my nose touches the silky dress shirt he wears beneath his suit.
“One way to torture myself, I suppose,” he doesn’t move away like he did so often during dinner.
Moving closer, I press my face to his chest as a sob chokes in my throat. I hurt him so deeply, so badly. I saw it in his eyes the minute he saw me. It was as if he saw a ghost. I guess he did. Everything I did, the way I walked away without a backward glance and the way I kept away for so long, it was there in the way he looked at me tonight, the way he kept pulling back.
No, I didn’t just hurt him. I did more than end a relationship before it had a chance to start. I broke his spirit. I made him doubt his love and how good it truly was. I made him wonder if it was worth trying again. I almost can’t bear to be so close to him knowing how I scarred him.
My fingers clutch at his jacket as I drag him closer, desperate for contact. I need to feel him living, breathing, surviving, to know that I deserve to do the same. He sighs heavily, his thick arms circling my shoulders as he drops his head against mine. His lips are at my temple and the tears I’ve fought all night can no longer be controlled.
“I am so sorry, Oliver,” I whisper into the icy air, my breath puffing the words out into the night.
“Me too, sunshine,” he says gently as he gives me a squeeze before his warmth is gone.
Part of me wants to hold on to him and refuse to let go. Just the briefest embrace and I feel like he has started to put me back together again. I didn’t realize until I saw him, heard his voice, and he touched me, how broken I truly was. I have been in pieces for so long and I was so sure I would never be whole again.
Now I know why I couldn’t piece together the damage before.
I cannot be whole without him.
But the part of me that knows I did this to us both, that I shattered us both into pieces we may never be able to repair finally lets go. I can’t force this to be what I want so desperately. He has no idea I mean every single word I have said to him tonight. How can he? Once I said a thousand promises and kept none of them.
Tonight is the first time I’ve felt the parts of me I lost come back to life. I don’t know if we will leave this town strangers like we left that mountain. Or if we will leave as one like I hope. All I have is the hope of what could have been.
Oliver has to be the one to say yes to this.
It may be a Christmas miracle to get him to fall in love with me again. But that’s why I brought him here, after all. We can use yuletide magic found right here in North Pole.
All I want for Christmas is the love of my life.
