Page 13 of Roped By the Cowboy
Jillian
Asking your husband if he would approve of an affair is weird.
Talking to Elliot has always been the easiest thing in the world. We were friends first, coeds at college out on our own for the first time, turning to one another during the ups and downs of becoming adults. Thinking back, I cannot recall when it became romanticorwhen the romance turned off.
We’ve been divorced for five months now, over one-hundred and fifty-two days. We were over long before that, even if neither of us could say it aloud. Our romance is different than most. It burned slowly, caught on fire, burning hot, before it cooled off. Now it won’t ignite again but it is ok.
Well, before I gave myself a chance to breathe, I was not sure. Now I am. Because of one man, one horseback ride, and a night beneath the stars. I came to Iron H Ranch hoping for a good time. And I got my good time. Truth is, I think I might have gotten a hell of a lot more.
“Tell me how you’ve stayed without a woman.”
Jacob smirks as we walk towards the paddock after getting back to the ranch. Their brochure promises trail rides, roping and riding, and campfire nights. It might have been a little different for the two of us, but he showed me one magical night on this ranch. Pausing at the paddock where others do some brochure promised things, he shrugs his broad shoulders.
“Well, I reckon I just never considered I could keep one. Not with how busted up I was after everything I lost. I thought the entire world ended after my parents died. I had no one left. Turned me bitter. Cruel. Who’d want to waste a lifetime on such a sad excuse of a cowboy?”
Moving close, I circle my arms around him, burrowing into his shoulder. We have little in common and yet we’re almost the same. I have been bitter. Cruel. Since that dream life I was promised was taken from me, I have not recognized who I am. It was no one’s fault so I had no one to blame. No one to pin all the lost dreams on.
“Jacob you’ve been wonderful to me. I might have paid for this time with you, but something tells me you would have given it for free. You would have seen how busted up I was and wanted to fix me. And it might have been just one night, but you did a damn fine job, cowboy.”
Nodding, he refuses to look at me. I suppose I understand. This is not a goodbye, not yet. It is coming though. I mean, it has to come, doesn’t it? My life is not here in Iron Hills. It is back in Fellow Falls. Where I have a dream home waiting to remind me of everything I lost.
Curling closer to him, I close my eyes against a wave of tears. I thought I was done mourning it all. I guess I was wrong. I have not mourned it if I have refused to let it go. Stayed in a house hiding reminders in all shadows, in corners, of what I failed at. How can you let go of all you ever wanted?
“Come on, honey, let me show you a few cowboy things. Give you what you paid for,” his voice is raw, deep, his arms coming round me to squeeze me to his side. Pressing a kiss on my head, he gently pushes me back.
Panic bubbles up in my chest as he turns to walk towards the paddock. Watching him disengage with me, watching him shut down what he has shown so openly since we met stuns me. It hurts me. It should not, we do not know one another enough, owe each other nothing. Still, there it is, hurting.
“Jacob! Wait,” I shout before my hand flies to my mouth in shock.
Turning back, he gives me that slow smile that dimples his cheek, lights up his eyes and warms me inside out. Holding his hand back, he tilts his head. Waving off his hand, I rush him. He lets out a surprised sound as I hurtle myself at him, almost knocking us to the ground.
Wouldn’t be our first time tangled up in the dirt.
“What is it? Our day is not over yet, is it?”
“No. Not yet. How long do I have you for?”
Grinning, he draws me against his chest. “As long as you want me, cowgirl.”
Tilting my head back, I sigh as his mouth meets mine. I do not dare tell him the truth. That I kind of want him forever.For keeps. Scarier to say it aloud and make it real. To accept it might be true. That I could even consider dreaming of something with someone else after my last dream fell apart.
Dreaming is about taking a chance—can I take another chance?
“Another night? I want another night with you, Jacob.”
Pulling back, he blinks down at me. It takes a moment before it hits him just what I mean. I am not offering anything beyond one more night. Not a future or a forever. Even if I have considered both. I want one more night with him to feel good, let him take care of me, and have him to myself.
“Yeah? Meant what I said, honey. As long as you want me.”
“I do,” I whisper, closing the space between us. “I wantyou, Jacob.”
“Ah, hell, Jilly Bean. There goes any chance of me showing you a lick about being a cowgirl. Except riding, I think we can work on that part.”
Laughing together, he draws me close to kiss me softly. It is sweet, a promise he should not be giving me. One that I will take anyway. Despite his words, he leads me to the paddock where he shows me how he ropes the steer trainer. I applaud, cheeringhim on as he gets fancier with it, twirling the rope, throwing it to haul the trainer across the paddock.
“Look at you be a hot cowboy,” I tease him when he comes to climb on the fence, bowing his head bashfully.
“Ought to see me do that shit naked,” he shoots back with a wink.
