Page 17 of Roped By the Cowboy
“Time to go home, Jilly Bean.”
Sitting in a taxi I am hit by how hard this is going to be. Pulling away from the ranch makes my chest hurt. I turn back just to see a horse riding through the gray morning.Jacob.He cannot get to me; cannot tell me he wants me to stay—not whenI wantto stay. It is not about me or him. My life is not here, my happy ending is not here even if we believed for a moment this weekend it could be.
Jacob gave me all he could, but I cannot give him the same.
Five Weeks Later...
Clutching a ceramic throne, cool tile against my face, I have little reason to laugh. Little excuse for the smile on my face as another wave of nausea hits me. Still, as I empty my basically emptied stomach, wiping drool from my mouth in the least attractive form ever, I am grinning ear to ear.
Because even before I glance at the pink stick, before I visit the doctor for tests that will confirm what I know, I am thinking about babies. About seeing my little baby with his cowboy hat on and tiny boots. Watching Jacob hoist a little version of himself up on a pony to take him for his first ride.
Pressing my hand to my belly, I laugh. Here I am, assuming it is a boy. With my little princess, I knew it was a girl. We both had wanted a girl. Thinking about Jocie having a little brother turns my laugh into a sob.
“How do I tell Jacob? How do we do this?”
It has been five weeks. Thirty-five days. It took two days to want a lifetime with him. Leaving that ranch was the hardest thing I have ever done. Harder than admitting a dream marriage, house, hell my whole dream life was over. Until a few days ago, I convinced myself another dream was over.
On the first morning, it was the smell of coffee. It smelled just like the strong stuff Jacob brewed over the fire while we camped. I thought my reaction was because I was missing him. I was wrong. Next it was the sweetness my favorite tea being too sweet. Last night it truly hit me.
“I am pregnant with Jacob’s little cowboy.”
Cleaning myself up, I climb to my feet even as dizziness has me stumbling. Weaving through the packed boxes that fill my bedroom, I seal the final one with a strip of tape. Packing while being pregnant is no fun. Not that it ever is. Thankfully, my former husband is all hands-on deck while we get the old dream home on the market.
“How you holding up?” He wonders as he stands at the doorway, bouncing an animated Jocie on his hip.
For a moment, just a breath of time, I am back in time. Our first night here, a big cheese pizza on the bed, my stomach swollen with our little girl. We hoped to have our entire lives here together. For the first time, I am not sad that we won’t get to have that together. Because with Jocie, we will always be a part of each other’s lives so we’re both blessed.
“Better than with that little monster,” I tease, pointing an accusing finger at my little girl. Elliot laughs, giving her a tickle as a teasing punishment.
“True, you seem...lighter. Easier the second time?”
“Besides the guilt, the confusion, the total heartache, yeah.”
“Jill, go back to Jacob. Tell him what he deserves to know. Not just about the baby,” he insists in a way that makes it sound so simple. “You have not stopped talking about your cowboy. I doubt you ever will. I gave my blessing, Jill. Jocie thinks cowboys are just tops,” he teases again, both of us laughing as she hoists her pink horse up as if agreeing with him.
“That makes two of us, huh Jocie?” We laugh again as she claps her hand, making her horse ride through the air.
Downstairs, a knock sounds at the door, startling us both. Thinking it might be the pizza, the last we will have in this house, I playfully push him out of the way. Jocie laughs at how we race down the stairs towards the door. Throwing it open dramatically, I gasp at what is on the other side.
Leather, grass, sunshine scents hit me. My cowboy.
“Cowboy! Mama, cowboy!”
Blinking at the big, beautiful cowboy standing before me, I nod. It is all I can do. I am not breathing, not the way I ought to be. Inside my chest, my heart stops for longer than it should before it gallops as fast as Jocie’s pink horse. Sunshine shimmers behind his hat, making him seem to be a mirage.
“Jilly Bean,” his voice breaks as he stares down at me, towering over all of us as he takes up all the space in the doorway.
His eyes eat me up and for a moment, it is just the two of us. I know my daughter is there watching us. Elliot too. Neither of them registers for me. All I see is his light eyes, smell his sweet, earthy scent, feel him aching for me the way I have been aching for him.
Those eyes slide past me, flashing with pain at what they find. I grip my chest as it twists because damn, it hurts to see him hurting. To see him think for one second I used him before coming back to my life here. He starts to back up before I am stunned when Elliot steps forward.
“Come on in. I am just leaving since we’re packed up. Jill, let me deal with the realtor. Something tells me you might be otherwise occupied. Tell mama bye for tonight, little bug. Mama has a cowboy to talk to.”
“Cowboy,” Jocie giggles, reaching towards his hat. Jacob grins at her, dimple flashing, eyes lighting back up. Taking it off his head, he sets it on hers with a plop. Our little girl laughs and laughs, tugging it down.
“Not getting that back, partner,” Elliot tells him, the two sharing a look I cannot decipher. “See both of you tomorrow.”
We both watch them go, Jocie blowing kisses at us with her little hands. Once they back out of the drive he moves as fast as a comic book hero. Rushing me, he lifts me up, kicking the door shut with a booming thud, whirling to pin me to it. I shriek, almost laughing as he slams me against the door with a vibrating growl.
