Page 10 of 4th and Goal
There’s a long, pregnant pause. “Lils, it’s 11am.”
“Right. Well.” Think, girl, think. “It’s never too early to be prepared.”
He chuckles lightly, but I hear it. Is he laughing at my patheticness? It’s justified at this point. I feel like a little girl playing dress up. “Such a girl scout. I’ll be back later.”
“Ok. Thanks!” I call out. I’ll have to duck out before he comes back.
Brody 8.
“Delivery!” I call out before entering Lilly’s office. She looks up from her laptop and blinks several times with her mouth open before a deep red flush suffuses her beautiful face. Her eyes drop down, as does her chin, her shoulders round as if she’s folding in on herself.
Nope. We’re not doing that.
“I brought lunch!” I hold up the takeout bags I picked up. She takes a deep breath and forces a smile to her plump lips. I hate it. I want the real Lilly, not business Lilly.
“Thank you, Brody, but I don’t think I’ll—”
I stop in front of her desk, drop the bags, and pinch her chin between my thumb and index finger. Her skin is so soft, warm, and I fight the urge to run my fingers along her jaw and cheek. “You have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. You aren’t going to shut me out. Do you understand?” She nods as best she can with my hold on her chin. “Now give me a smile.” She tries that plastic shit again. “A real one, baby girl.” Her eyes flare but she complies, and something settles in my chest, a band loosening. “There she is.”
I start unpacking the bags while she shuts her laptop and pushes it to the side to make room. “We can eat in the breakroom.”
I shake my head without looking up from what I’m doing. “I’m not sharing you with anyone.”
“Oh.” That’s all she says, but a little impish grin stretches her lips, and she doesn’t argue. We eat in comfortable silence. I don’t feel the need to fill it, just letting her get used to the two of us spending time together. Even without Conner’s shitastic behavior, Lilly is surprisingly shy, like a cat. She’s a boss bitch when it comes to her job, but personally, she’s timid. I’ve spent a good deal of time thinking over everything, and I think she dated Conner because she perceived him to be a “safe” choice. Zoey and I talked last night, and she made me realize that Lilly probably wanted someone predictable, stable, ticking several boxes that Lilly believed equaled a long and lasting relationship.
I’m stable, and mentally too which trumps Conner because he’s fucking crazy. I can be predictable; she can predict that I’ll be on her and in her any chance I get until I take my last breath. Good job, nice apartment, growing 401k. She will ALWAYS be safe with me. I plan to worship her body and protect her heart.
I’m coming for her with everything I’ve got. First step though, getting her comfortable again.
That was Tuesday. Wednesday, I showed up with lunch again and this time we started talking. Mostly about work but dove surface deep into a bit more about our lives. Thursday, we traded stories from our childhoods, talking about schooling, and our family dynamics. Lilly is easy to read, and the more she talked about her parents the more I knew Zoey was right. Lilly’s parents are not bad people, but it’s clear that they’re not affectionate with their daughter or each other. Lilly repeated that they’ve been married for over 30 years, and to her thatmeans it’s a successful marriage. But I picked up on little things in her stories. Her parents don’t hug and kiss in front of her, and her dad often sleeps in the guest room because “he snores”. They watch the news together in the evenings after work, but don’t have any shared hobbies or interests, not even movies or television shows. I would guess that over 30 years ago they decided that they too looked good together on paper. Where’s the passion? Where’s the joining of their lives? They read to me as glorified roommates.
I fought my instincts, wanting to scoop Lilly up out of her chair and plant her in my lap. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. Kiss her like she deserves to be kissed. Like a meal to be savored. Instead, I listened to her, and I listened more to what she wasn’t saying.
Yesterday, we had an animated and heated discussion as we chowed down on Chinese food, about acceptable food combinations. At one point, she got up from behind her desk, came around in front of me, and then put that big, beautiful butt of hers on the edge of her desk because she claimed my ignorance of the many uses for cream cheese deserved her full attention. And she needed to be within smacking distance in case I required a swift correction. She can touch me whenever she wants.
Basically, I’ve been dating her ninja style for the last week. Every time she’d wave her fork or spoon in the air. Every scowl, grunt, or snort. Every word that passed her lips drew me in, imbedded her deeper under my skin, chipped away another piece of my heart to lay at her feet.
I am hers, unequivocally, unapologetically, and unconditionally.
She just doesn’t know it yet.
I’ve seen the way she watches me when she doesn’t think I’m paying attention. How her skin flushes intermittently, her eyes glaze over when she’s lost in thought, how she bites her bottom lip while staring at my own lips. She’s attracted to me, but something is holding her back, has been for years, and I’m thinking it’s my own stupidity. I’ve always been professional, if not friendly, with her since she interned. I thought it prudent in the beginning to give her time, but somehow that became over 5 years of keeping myself in the friendzone and making her look elsewhere for romantic validation.
Because of Conner’s douchiness, I know that Lilly has only been with two men, Conner included. And if I wasn’t such an overthinking ass, I could have saved her the humiliation and pain of being with someone like Conner. I didn’t tell her, but Eric showed me that after we escorted Conner from the complex on Monday, one of the cheerleaders slipped out of the men’s restroom where Conner had been. He was hooking up with someone in a bathroom while claiming to be here to see Lilly. I tried broaching the subject of their relationship a couple times, but she resolutely changed to another topic, though her eyes remained haunted. I know she’s embarrassed, but she has no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. He used her, manipulated her, but she was smart enough to break it off. It’s not her fault that he’s unwilling to let it go.
I wasn’t her first, and she wasn’t mine, but we will be each other’s last. I don’t ever want to hear her cry, hear the defeat in her voice again like I did Monday through her office door. She sounded so small, and I wanted to kick the door down to hold her, kiss her, fuck her until she believed that she’s worth so much more than the Conners of the world. She talks about the students all the time, how they are destined to change the world, and she has no idea about her own impact on the world aroundher. I’m going to show her each and every day how incredible she is and that my world is better with her in it.
“Prib isn’t looking so good.” Jesus, I didn’t even hear her approach. So much for situational awareness. I glance down at her as I lean against the wall of the tunnel, and grimace.
“Yeah, I noticed.”
She nods toward the water station that Lyndell is manning like a boss, while still handing out towels when needed. “His girlfriend isn’t at the water station.”
Chuckling, despite the uneasy feeling in my gut from Phia’s absence, I inform her, “Lyndell said something about green apple splatters, and I begged off.” Lilly laughs, the sound light and happy.
“I missed—” She cuts herself off, purses her lips and meets my eyes. Determination overshadows the vulnerability in her hazel depths. “I missed you at lunch today.” She can have no idea how much those words mean to me.
“Didn’t want to overstay my welcome,” I hedge, hoping she’ll take the bait.
