Page 14 of 4th and Goal
“Naked. Like totally,” Jenna stands from her chair in my office and waves her hand in front of her lady bits, “free-clitting it for all to see?”
“I don’t like…any of what you just did and said.”
“Answer the damn question.” She rolls her eyes, plopping back down in the chair, throwing her legs over the armrest, and getting comfy. Thanks to her, my guest chairs are not normal generic chairs. They are plush, cushioned, and wide for plenty of positional options.
“Shaye was partially clothed—”
“The fuck she was!” Jenna bursts out. If she was drinking something it would have sprayed me in the face.
“Lindsay was completely naked. I mean, good for them, that they feel comfortable enough in their bod—”
“Fleshy vessels of whoredom.”
My face screws up and I shake my head. “Stop being weird.”
“Born like this and every month the sun makes a full rotation; my powers of weirdness grow.” She shifts again, dropping her feet to the floor to pin me with a hard stare. “I saw Brody on my way in, so he’s not in jail for punching Conner in his teeny tiny weenie.”
“It’s not teeny tiny—” I start to hedge, not really knowing if his penis is average or not. I just don’t have much experience. Conversely, he has enough experience for my entire Facebook friend list.
“But it is venereally infected. The consequences of his actions will shrink it until it’s nothing more than a memory between his legs.”
“You are certainly poetic this afternoon.” I think back to the results I received this morning from the doctor’s office. “And while him losing his appendage would be an interesting turn of events, he is probably NOT carrying a venereal disease. Or, if he is, he hasn’t shared it with me. Thank God!”
Jenna sits back up, drawing her legs under her, bouncing as she claps. “Brody and Lilly laying in a bed, f-u-c-k-i-n-g. First comes Lilly, then comes Brody, then comes…Lilly again!”
“So, you outsource your cheers—”
“I’m on the spot! Give me a break. You’re free of contagious diseases, I’m assuming Brody is also free of contagious diseases, so the two of you are free to copulate.”
I wave my hand and sit back with a heavy sigh. “The timing is all wrong. His kissing skills are top notch. Granted, not a whole lot to compare him to, but he makes my toes curl, and my nips ache, and my underwear soppy.”
“I hear it.” Jenna nods. “I hear how awful it is when we use too much description. I apologize for my earlier remarks and gestures.”
“ANYWAY! I’ve been working nonstop. So much has been happening. If it isn’t Heacock, it’s attempted murder, and harassment, and creepy ex-boyfriends, and slutty cheerleaders, on top of all my normal responsibilities.”
“I hear you, sweetie. I do.” Leaning forward, her shoulders bunch up as she rests her elbows on her thighs. “Do you like him?”
“Brody?” She nods with a touch of exasperation. “I love him.” I’m surprised by my words, but I don’t want to take them back. I’m a little disappointed Brody isn’t who I told them to for the first time. But it’s true. “Honestly, truly, first-time in my life, love him.”
Jenna smiles, her eyes a little shiny. “Sweetie, then don’t wait for life to settle down. Newsflash, it won’t. Ever. They don’t just happen upon you. You have to make it the right time. Seize the day!” She raises a fist in the air like she’s in an 80’s movie.
“I don’t have a lot of experience. And the last man I was with…Oh, God! Do you think we have a bigger population than Dallas?”
Jenna shakes her head at me like I’ve lost the plot. “I lost you. What? Where’d that come from?”
“I was just wondering if it’s more shocking that Debbie did Dallas or Conner did the university?” Jenna slides out of her chair, laughing her ass off. “My point was,” I speak louder to get her attention. She slowly climbs back into the chair. “I’m a little nervous to make the first move. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I know the mechanics, but I’ve never been the aggressor. And Brody is so sweet, he’ll wait for me until I’m ready but I’m afraid we’ll be in a nursing home before that happens.” I slouch in my own chair in despair.
There’s that damn 80’s fist pump again. “Seize the day…Seize the cock!” I start laughing as she exclaims, “Oh!” and pulls out her phone. She types, her body shaking with excitement, she waits for her screen to load, and she frowns. “Well, that’s no fun.”
“What?”
She types again. “Oh, that’s better!” Now standing, 80’s fist raised high above her head, she pumps it as she hollers, “Carpe gilli! Seize the cock!” I sure hope no one is outside my door listening to this.
I manage to ask as I’m laughing, “What’s no fun?”
Straight-faced, Jenna says, “Penis in Latin is penis. How unoriginal!”
Brody 12.
