Page 70 of A Torn Allegiance
He pulled her close. “Say it again.”
“Your name? Hayes. Hayes. My Hayes.” The happiness that bubbled up at that teasing declaration made her laugh.
He grinned and pulled her even closer. “I meant the other part.”
“Oh, that part.” She looked into his eyes and gladly obliged him. “I love you, Hayes.”
“Happy I am to hear it. Because after a kiss like that one, I could never kiss another.”
“Are kisses not always that wonderful?”
“I have kissed very few, but I cannot imagine they could be. With one touch of your mouth, my world flipped upside down. Everything I thought important became much less so.”
She grinned. “That is exactly how I feel. You are all that matters.” She prayed it would be so tonight when she relived all their moments, because a part of her mind still functioned as it did before, and she knew that they were embarking on a relationship that had some barriers. But she refused to think of them now. She refused to dwell on anything but the happiness of the moment.
“Perhaps we can plan...” Hayes paused. “Might we discuss a... visit to Oldenburg?”
“Oh yes! And Scotland. Might we also visit Scotland?”
“Of course.” His eyes clouded. “But there are things that concern me now, international situations.”
“Yes?”
“Which I sense you will always wish to be apprised of.”
She nodded.
“These concerns pull me home quicker than I would like, with perhaps not enough time for a trip to Scotland before a visit to my country, but most certainly after.” He seemed hesitant, hopeful she would understand.
“What concerns you? What is worrying you most?”
He looked away, his body less relaxed and suddenly seeming very far away.
A subtle fear began inside her. Would she lose this moment? This closeness between them? Would he back away from her?
“I...” He searched her face. “I admit I am loathe to discuss things that will only bring all that is evil and wrong with the world into such a holy moment here with you.”
She tried to swallow back her disappointment, but it rose quickly.
“However, I can see how important this is to you and to our relationship. I will try to see that need in you. In the future, you will sit in on royal councils and know of all the hardships and things that concern me as I learn them, and then our time together can focus on what is truly beautiful in my life instead of allowing those other matters to disturb our peace.” He tucked a stubborn hair behind her ear, and it immediately wiggled free.
She understood his reluctance. She felt it too. But if he was about to say something that would fully exonerate him from any question of disloyalty, she was anxious to hear it. “I... feel I understand you better now. I see why so many times you would attempt to change the conversation or to avoid it altogether.” She nodded. This new rapport with him was so deliciously open, so comfortable and caring. “I would like to sit in on a royal council. And I would like to council with you privately. That kind of sharing never happens to me. My family members all seem to know things no one talks to me about. Duncan will, because I plague him, inform me after the fact, but who seeks out my council? Who values my solutions? I live from day to day on a quest to feel a part of important conversations.” She sighed. “I’m afraid it carries over to you.”
On the tip of her tongue was a full confession of her father’s suspicions of Hayes’s spying and his determination for the family to keep an eye on the prince until they’d better understood his character. But he lifted her hand to his mouth, and the experience of his barehanded attentions distracted her.
“They have missed out on some of the best Shelby estate council, in my opinion.” He sighed. “My greatest concern right now is for my people. I’ve mentioned to you the southern landholders. They are in great need, and some are dissatisfied with our country. Some complain that we are not doing enough. Some seek outside help.” He sighed. “I don’t want my people to suffer. I don’t want to lose my country. And the suggestion of a change in my mind is overtaking all other thought. The very idea of tenants and their function in my country seems to me to be an archaic manner in which to do things.”
She held her breath while he spoke, not wanting to miss a single thing. “And your people are in danger from France?”
“Possibly.” The gaze he turned back to her was surprisingly insecure. “Some might be planning a revolt.”
She gasped. “No!”
“There is talk of Napoleon offering assistance to them; they are plagued by drought.” He looked away. “Telling you makes it even more distasteful. I hate to hear the words from my lips.”
“You cannot blame yourself for the lack of rain.”
“No, but perhaps for the lack of assistance to my people throughout the drought. I assumed the landholders would care for their own. We’ve asked them to.” He kicked at a rock. “But as I said, that system is not working well for my country.”
