Page 86 of A Torn Allegiance
Elsie nodded quickly. “But I so appreciate the discourse. See? You and I have differing thoughts. I liked what you said and will consider it tonight. I think, with more conversation, with more voices heard, we can come to a good place together.” Elsie reached a hand out to Lady Annabeth. “We could forge friendships. Women’s voices could contribute to the growth of our nation. And we could find ways to bridge differences.”
The boon of friendship she’d just offered Lady Annabeth was more magnanimous an offer than Hayes had scarce seen, more than he thought the woman deserved. Before the recipient could reject such goodness, he reached out his own hand. “On those beautiful words, I think I would now like to claim this lovely soul asmypartner.” He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm with the utmost care. “Come.”
The smile lifted up to his face was all for him, and it warmed him to the toes in his boots. But as soon as they exited the corridor, she started shaking.
He turned to her in concern. Her face had gone pale, and he swiftly led her out the opened doors to the veranda. The night air was cool. People were making use of the stone space, so he kept walking, down the stairs and out into the back gardens. Her shaking increased, and when they finally found a moment of privacy, she turned to him, almost fell into his arms, and shook with the sobs of the brokenhearted.
His heart wrenched in a new kind of agony he had never felt before. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close while her tears wet his shirt. And he didn’t know what more to do. “Oh, my dear, my darling Elsie.”
She sobbed into him for a long while, until her shaking eased at last and she pressed her forehead against him, looking down at their shoes.
He offered her a handkerchief. “What might I do?” His helpless question brought to light how useless he felt.
Once her tears had subsided and dried, she was silent for so long he wondered if they would ever again have such an easy rapport, but at last she lifted her brilliant eyes up into his. They were still touched with sadness, but there was a look there he hadn’t seen in such unguarded strength before. Love. Goodness, the woman loved him. Loved him with a power he couldn’t fathom.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
He shook his head. “No, please do not apologize. This whole evening has been a torture device for you of the acutest kind. And...” He ran a hand through his hair. “I cannot believe you agreed to come at all, knowing, as you must have, what would happen.” He pulled her close again. “And you came for me?”
She nodded against him. “Well, I couldn’t have you listening to the likes of Lady Annabeth and have you thinking they represented London or that they represented me.” She hiccupped. “Excuse me.” She looked away. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Please don’t be.” He took her hand, and they walked into a hedge garden with a fountain at the center. Benches lined the area. “Come. I have much to say. Let me collect my thoughts.” The smell of roses filled his nose and reminded him of home, and it was those memories that aided him. “When I think of a strong woman, a valiant soul, one who could lead, who could weather the storms of life, I think of you.”
She sniffed and lifted the handkerchief to her nose.
“I admit to being wholly distracted by your beauty at first. Your face, your eyes—goodness, your eyes could captivate any man.” He smiled, thinking of his first sight of her. “Of course, a man would be a fool not to notice you, but what truly attracted me to you were the moments when you have shown leadership, given others direction, and stood up for yourself and your principles in the face of adversity. You truly are a strong woman. A beautiful, strong woman.”
“My mother says things like that.” She wrapped her arms more closely around him.
“She is an intelligent woman like her daughter. But...” He waited until she looked up into his face, and then he winked. “I can’t have you thinking my attempt to tell you how much I love you sounds maternal.”
Her mouth dropped open, and she nodded slowly.
“Those moments are just a few that have caused my love for you to grow. Tonight, for example.” He shook his head. “When I saw those horrid women join forces against someone as lovely as you, it was like watching a team of pigeons picking apart the eagle in the room. Chickens with a swan.” He rested his hand over the top of hers. “You are twice the woman as any of them together. You could have handled that situation in many different ways.”
“I’m grateful to your brothers.”
“Yes, they turned a dreadful evening into something at least amusing. But you were the true hero here.”
“Was I?”
“Of course. When at last you were given a chance to influence those women, to offer friendship, you did so fully, with forgiveness on your lips. I was astounded. I realized in that moment just how desperately my weak and filthy soul needs you in my life. I love you, Elsie. Not because you are a duke’s daughter, not because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but because you are wholly and completely the strongest and wisest person I know, and now that I have known you, I don’t think I can be the king I’m meant to be without you at my side.”
She breathed twice, in deep, almost ragged breaths before she stopped walking and turned to face him. “Hayes.”
He pulled her close again.
“Hayes, I didn’t like how I felt tonight. I haven’t felt that vulnerable, that needy, in a long time, and it was because, for once, I had a reason to want to be accepted by them, to fit in at a ball where you were. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
He started to shake his head, but she held up her hand.
“And it was only at the very end that I realized I have to be me. I care too much about other people to stay silent. And, come what may, whether or not you would love or hate me, whether or not those women would still shun me, I would continue to speak and act in a manner that is true to myself.” She reached her hands up along his chest. “But...”
“But?”
“But I am so happy that who I am to my deepest core, the woman I wish to be, is someone you love.”
“And I promise to always love you, to live worthily of you, to be who you need me to be.”
