Page 97 of A Torn Allegiance
“I think I will. No matter what happens with Hayes, I have to show him I care. I have to... apologize, at least. I have to aid him in whatever he’s trying to accomplish, because it’s important. I love him, Sophie. I love him more than anything.”
“Maybe it will work out between you still. I know he loves you too. That has to count for something.”
“I hope so. But I think it’s going to take a lot more than him simply loving me. I think I broke his heart.”
“That can be fixed. Just tell him how you really feel.”
“No, I think I really and truly broke it. He was clutching it and couldn’t stand straight. Something is wrong, like the duke said.”
“I know they wouldn’t go to Scotland if he were dangerously ill.”
“Oh, that is true. Thank you.” All the same, she didn’t know if her sins could be forgiven—at least, not by him. She hoped he would listen to her, that at least he would believe she loved him.
At last, in what seemed like way too long, the Duke of Sumter and his man and Elsie and her maid left to follow in the path of the princes of Oldenburg.
“I hope my family forgives me,” she said.
His Grace closed the window of his carriage. “What is to forgive? Your parents will feel comfortable with you at their Scottish estate, will they not?”
“More or less. They would prefer I stay here for the Season, but perhaps now that they’ve ruined my life by asking me to spy on the man I now love, they will feel less inclined to force the rest of the Season on me.”
“Do they know they’ve ruined your life?”
“I think so. They probably assume I will come around and be well, but no.” She shook her head. “I will not come around, and I don’t believe I’ll be well again for a very long time.”
“You are entitled to any amount of sadness you need on the subject.”
“Thank you.” She felt a bit ridiculous being grateful to be allowed sadness, but it really was a blessing.
As they raced across England, His Grace read, their servants slept, and Elsie fretted. And planned. When a person was left with naught but herself for company, she sometimes came to rather important realizations, one being she wished wholeheartedly that she had confessed the whole of it to Hayes when she’d first felt guilty. Perhaps that feeling of discontent was her more-intelligent self communicating a better course to her. She could only now realize it most certainly would have been better to talk to him. The other growing notion was that she had to win him back. He might be hurt. He might not trust her. He might wish to leave England once and for all, never to return, but she could not let him do it. She could not let him leave without knowing her heart, without knowing how desperately she had come to love him. And a plan began to form. She could not let him leave without her.
As the hour grew later, His Grace began stopping in well-traveled inns and sending in a footman to inquire after Hayes. They passed one after the other with no success. Elsie was fatigued, but worse, she worried that the others in her group would grow so tired, they would stop without ensuring Hayes was not inside. She couldn’t bear to lose him. If they didn’t reach him now, how would they find him once they crossed over into Scotland?
She had nothing to go on except the hope that Hayes’s trip involved Everly, for she could begin her search there. And she most desperately wished to arrive before he left for another location, before he set up other meetings.
Her hands tightened in her lap when the footman returned with another shake of his head.
They continued on. His Grace eyed her more than once, but she looked away, determined not to require rest. They could not stop until they had found Hayes.
But at the next inn, when again the footman indicated the prince was not inside, His Grace made arrangements for them to stay, and Elsie couldn’t argue against him. They had to stop. Their horses needed rest. She would just pray they found Hayes at all.
Her maid readied her for bed and then found her own pallet just inside the closet, but her parting words brought Elsie a measure of calm: “Tomorrow we will stand on the earth in Scotland and smell the beauty of it.”
Elsie breathed deeply while she lay on her pillow, imagining the rise and fall of the hills that would spread out all about her, with the smells of the sweet grass and the newly plowed dirt.
If she were to be lonely for the rest of her life, if she were to try to live without love, without Hayes, at least she could do so in Scotland. The thought of her mother remaining behind in London gave her second thoughts, but for now, she couldn’t think about that. For now, she would dream and hope and work so that Hayes had every reason to once again want to marry her.
Thoughts of making amends with Hayes mingled with her memories of peaceful Scotland, and they lulled her to sleep more deeply and sweetly than she’d have thought possible.
Chapter Thirty
Hayes and his brothers arrivedat an inn in the wee hours of the morning. He was so tired he could hardly stand, and his brothers were equally so. They had had to stop too often to ensure Hayes was well. At one village, Marc insisted they call for the doctor to examine Hayes again to ensure the travel had not worn on him in harmful ways. When they could go no farther, they stopped at an inn. As Hayes fell into bed in their surprisingly comfortable room, his last comment was, “Don’t wake me. I shall sleep this off.”
When he awoke early the next morning, he felt rested, refreshed, and considerably more hopeful. He couldn’t see where the hope was coming from, but he welcomed it all the same. For the moment, at least, his heart did not ache, and his body felt restored. As he dressed for the day, he asked his valet for any news from his brothers.
“The inn is nearly full. The guests are mostly from London, though there are at least two who are on their way to marry across the anvil.”
“What is that preposterous-sounding nuptial?”
