Page 74 of A Duke Reformed
"Too long," she answered.
Emma pulled back slightly, hands still on Alice's shoulders, taking in her face. "You look so well. Motherhood suits you."
"And you, dearest one, look like someone who hasn't been sleeping properly," Lavinia chimed in. "Come. Let's sit. I had to drag Alice out because Cecilia sent a letter."
Emma's eyebrow furrowed. "Cecilia sent a letter?" she questioned, confused.
"She did," Alice answered softly. "Lavinia is right, we should sit."
Reluctantly, Emma walked with them over to the window, and the three of them sat, facing the bed. "What did Cecilia say?" she asked, glancing between Lavinia and Alice, concerned.
Alice smiled softly. "She said she's worried about you. That ever since the dinner party at the duke's estate, you have been more withdrawn, more... unsettled. She's not the only one who's noticed it. She claimed your papa has complained as well."
Emma's shoulders dropped. "I just need a little bit of time, is all. How many times do I have to tell Cecilia that there is nothing to worry about?"
"There is everything to worry about," Lavinia said, then paused to exhale. "Emma, do you recall how we were three years ago? Right before Alice met the Duke of Ravenmoor? Do you recall what we were?"
Emma stared at her fingers. "Wallflowers."
"Exactly," Lavinia replied. "We never dressed the best, we were constantly getting ridiculed... hiding behind teacups and hoping that no one asked us to dance because we weren't used to the center stage. We were overlooked, passed by, barely even spoken to unless it was out of politeness."
"Yes... I remember all too well," Emma replied.
"Then, things began to slowly change," she continued. "Not because we changed everything about us... not because we started to yearn for the spotlight or we outgrew our shyness. In fact, the changes that happened to Alice and I were against our will."
"I met Victor under the worst circumstances, and I married him even without knowing him," Alice said to Emma. "When we first met, I never thought I would ever love someone like him with a dreadful reputation. Yet here we are. I cannot imagine my life without him."
"You recall how Andrew and I got married," Lavinia said. "I complained about the entire thing to you, so I don't need to remind you about the obstacles that we faced."
Emma nodded. "I recall clearly."
"Good," she continued. "Do you know why I'm reminding you of this?"
"Of course," Emma whispered and raised her head. "It's about Solomon isn't it? Lavinia, I explained to you –"
"Emma, I don't care what you explained to me," Lavinia responded, shaking her head. "You cannot make the decision yourself and expect fate to play along with it. You're no longer that girl who stood in the corner hoping no one would callher forward. You have the attention of a man who could have anyone, and yet it is you he seeks. That is not something to run from. It's something to fight for. Explore till the end, knowing that you did everything to satisfy your heart."
Emma's throat tightened as she tried to speak, her voice barely above a whisper. "But what if I fight, and he doesn't? I would be a fool to pursue something when I already know how it would end."
"How would you know that?" Alice chimed in softly. "Have you seen the future, or are you that good at predicting it? Emma, that is the reason we brought up our own marriages. Would you have thought that I would ever fall in love with Victor, knowing how terrified I was of the man?"
Emma looked up and shook her head. "No."
"And would you have thought that Andrew would be this excited to be a father for the second time, knowing that he was against the idea in the first place?"
Emma let out a short giggle. "He was excited when you told him?"
"Elated." Lavinia smiled. "He's already making plans. Somehow, he's convinced we are having a girl, and he's putting things in place already. It's no use telling him that we still have a couple of months to go before the baby comes."
Emma giggled loudly this time. "That's wonderful."
"Thank you," Lavinia whispered. "But who would have thought, right?"
Alice reached for Emma's hand, giving it a firm but gentle squeeze. "You cannot keep ignoring your feelings, Emma. I know you think it's the safer thing to do, but burying them doesn't make them disappear. I assure you, it will not go away if you leave them unattended to. It only makes the ache worse."
Lavinia leaned forward. "You're punishing yourself, and for what? Simply because you care for someone? So what if you tell him? So what if you pursue it? In the end, you will find your peace of mind, knowing that you did your best."
"What do you think he feels for you?" Alice questioned. "What's your heart telling you?"
