Page 78 of A Duke Reformed
Solomon's expression softened, and a shadow of pain flickering in his eyes as he stepped closer to her.
"You took the decision from me," he said quietly. "I came to you that day, vulnerable. In spite of my better judgment, in spite ofthe fact that I did not want to let anyone into my heart...Emma, I came to you hoping that you would let me in too."
He paused, his gaze searching hers, as if trying to convey everything he couldn't say in words. "But you pushed me away. You hurt me to protect yourself."
Emma's breath hitched in her throat. "I am sorry!" she said, her voice trembling. "I thought it was best for both of us." She shook her head, her hands moving to her sides in frustration. "There was no use. No need to pursue something that could never be. You have every right to want something for your future, like I also want something else for mine. You said it yourself... you were leaving. You were going back to Northern England."
She closed her eyes for a moment, as if trying to steady herself before meeting his gaze again. Her voice wavered, but she pressed on, the truth escaping her before she could hold it back. "What was I supposed to do? Hold on to you?"
"I wanted you to talk to me, Emma," he said, his gaze never leaving hers. "What is it that you feel for me that is so complicated?"
Emma's heart raced in her chest, as the flood of emotions she had worked so hard to suppress threatening to overwhelm her.
"I love you," she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. "I love you too," she said more clearly now, her eyes finally meeting his. "But I scared."
Emma wiped the tear from her cheek as she continued. "I watched my father crumble after my mother's death. It broke him. Love ruined him. He became a shadow of himself, and he never truly recovered from it. After that, I swore to myself that I would never let love ruin me too. So when I started to feel it for you, I fought it, Solomon. I hid behind excuses... you were leaving, you didn't want children, we were too different... anything to avoid feeling this."
She paused, biting her lip. Her chest tightening as she tried to put into words the fear that had kept her from loving him.
"The truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared that I would love you too much, and it would burn me like it burned my father. I've seen how love makes you emotional, makes you irrational, and I... I hate that. I hate the thought of losing myself in something I cannot control."
Solomon threw his hands in the air. "Emma, you are not your father."
"I know that now," she whispered. "I know, and I think I have made some progress because the old me would take my feelings for you to the grave. But I cannot take it anymore. You need to know that I love you. I might be scared of it, but I truly love you."
"And I love you too," Solomon said, taking a step closer.
"But it's different!" she answered, taking a step back. "I don't just want you, Solomon. I want a family with you. Not just you."
Solomon took another step forward. "And I will give you that."
Emma's heart skipped a beat. She looked at him, shaking her head. "You know that you cannot. You said that you don't want that life, and who am I to –"
Solomon's eyes darkened. "Who are you?" he repeated. "Ducky, you are the love of my life. You have every right to want what you want and demand it from me. I will give you that life. I will give you the family you deserve... the life you deserve. I will give you everything I have, because without you, none of it means anything anymore. My goodness, I cannot even do business right because you are all that I think about."
Emma felt dizzy all of a sudden, as though his words had slipped into her bloodstream and made her drunk with emotion. There was something in the way he looked at her, so fierce, so certain...unflinching that struck a chord deep within her and made her unbearably mellow. It made her swoon. It made her want to believe in every beautiful, impossible thing.
"You told me to think of my own happiness," he continued. "Not my revenge, or...my quest to make sure that I punish a man that is already dead. I don't want to live a lonely life, Emma. I don't want to hold on to bitterness and anger and call it purpose. I want peace. I want joy. I want mornings with you. I want the sound of your laughter filling my home. I want arguments and forgiveness, and the chance to build something real. With you. Only you."
He took a step closer.
"I used to think I didn't want children because I would just be fulfilling my father's wishes. I would be giving him what he wants. But I've had time to reflect. I do want children, Emma. Children I will raise differently. Children who will hold their heads up high and say they have me as a father, and I will be proud to be theirs. I want to be present, I want to be better. If I have any brilliance at all, I want someone to pass it down to. Someone I can teach all the tricks in business. I want a legacy I can be proud of. Our legacy. No one's achievement. Just us."
Emma giggled, fighting to keep her emotions in check. She felt too overwhelmed by everything, it felt surreal. "I really want that too. But will that make you happy, Solomon? Are you certain this is what you want and you're not just... taking a chance?"
Solomon finally reached her and he took her hand in his. "I am a bit terrified," he admitted and smiled. "But I'm excited too."
Emma giggled. "Me too."
"I think I knew it that day we met," he said softly, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. "When you stood in front of me and cautioned me without blinking... I'd never seen anyone so small and so bold. You fascinated me. Ever since then, you've undone me in ways I didn't think possible. You make me want to be better. For you. For us."
Solomon lifted his head and peered into her eyes. "Emma Lockhart, will you marry me? Will you give us a chance to build the life we're both secretly terrified of?"
Emma's eyes brimmed with emotion, her lips parting in a shaky breath. "Yes," she whispered, nodding with a smile that trembled. "Yes, I'll marry you, Ducky."
Solomon threw his head back laughing. "Thank you, Ducky. I will do my best to make you the happiest duchess in all of London."
Emma giggled, cheeks flushed, her heart so full she thought it might burst. "I have no doubt."
