Page 65 of Finding Romance
She grins and I pat her butt and send her inside the apartment. I know for a fact that I’ll be thinking about her all day long.
It takes me a few hours, but I decide on a trendy restaurant and then the art museum that Piper mentioned as our third date. I rifle through my closet, feeling like a teenager going out with the girl I’ve pined over for months. I’m being ridiculous. In another day, she’ll be gone.
I curse as I remember it’s time for my therapy. I promised Bray that I would give it three months. We are almost through with month one and I’m not hating it. It’s hard to accept my defects and accomplishments. I have realized that I hate failing because then I’m not good enough. Not being able to save my parents and my friend made me want to always be perfect, so I don’t ever want to fail that way again. I always knew I was being ridiculous but talking through it has helped. And because I’m so hard on myself, accepting praise is challenging. I’m always operating in a mode of “I can do better.”
I toss my date clothes on the bed and log in for my appointment.
My therapist, Randy, is waiting.
“Hey, how are you doing this week?” he asks.
I shrug. “A little bummed but ready for my life to go back to normal, I guess,” I admit.
“Back to normal?” he asks.
“Yeah, remember I mentioned that I was helping out that woman I just met?” I state while running my finger over a photo of Piper on my phone.
“Right. But I thought that was just showing her the dating ropes,” he says. His dark eyes look at me through the screen and I hate that he’s already seeing all my fissures on our fourth appointment.
“It was…I mean, it is,” I correct, closing the photo app on my phone.
“That doesn’t sound done,” Randy says as he pushes his glasses up his nose.
I look out my window and watch a flock of birds fly into the park. It must be nice just to be able to pack up and fly away from your troubles.
“Kasen?”
My focus shifts back to Randy. “It has to be done.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because you’ve heard my issues. And my work is crazy. This woman…she’s everything good and pure about the world. She deserves better. She deserves everything,” I ramble.
“Then, doesn’t she deserve you? If that’s what she wants,” he points out.
“She deserves better than me,” I argue, practically growling because Piper deserves the sun, moon, and stars.
Randy raises a dark eyebrow. “So who should she date?”
“No one,” I growl and immediately regret showing all my cards, even if I am paying this guy to help me sort out my feelings.
“I see,” he says in a knowing voice.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’d rather not talk about it. She leaves on Thursday morning,” I state.
“Fine. We can move on, but remember, you don’t get to pick who she wants to be with. And if she wants to be with you and you turn her down, then she can be with anyone else,” he says and I hate that he’s speaking the truth. I also hate how I feel. I don’t want her to leave. I want her here in my bed, tucked safely against me every night. I want to sit on the bench in the park and watch her paint. But instead of saying that out loud, I circle back to my military trauma and we spend the rest of the call talking about one of the worst days of my life because right now, that seems less daunting than discussing my intensifying feelings for Piper.
“After you,” I say as I press the small of Piper’s back, guiding her inside the elevator. She’s wearing heels today and I don’t want her tripping on the stairs.
She steps inside and I follow her, pressing the down button. The elevator lurches down and then comes to a complete stop.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“Uh, is that normal?” Piper asks, her voice rising an octave.
I jam my finger against the down button but nothing happens. Sighing, I pull out my cell phone and call Troy.
“Hey,” Troy answers. “What’s up? Tank spring a leak again?”
