Page 44 of Carver
Kael has no problem with eye contact. It’s almost a little bit unnerving how long she studies us.
“You don’t have to let me know right now either. I’m putting you on the spot. Sorry. I didn’t mean that I need all the answers right this minute.” She uses a deep voice for the last bit, which makes Ellie laugh.
She’s entering fully awake territory and I’m going to need to find snacks and diapers asap.
“I left our diaper bag at home by accident and we kind of need to get right back there, but that’s not me being rude, I swear. You’re welcome to come over and we can talk.”
Kael makes a funny face for Ellie. “Sure. I’d love to. Can I follow you there or is that creepy? Should I make a few stops and show up after?”
“You can follow us. I really did forget the bag. We don’t need to debrief without you there.”
“You could technically do that on the drive.”
“Well, even if we do, it’s not secret. It’s just us talking together because we’re—”
“In a committed relationship and that’s the healthy thing to do,” Kael finishes for me. “Exactly. Okay, I’ll follow you, but I’m going to make a pitstop for ice cream. Do you want anything? A sundae? One of those cyclone things with cookies blended in? Something coffee and chocolate?”
I don’t know if it’s what we did last night, or just my hormones going into overdrive at Dom’s proximity to me, but my body goes all tingly as my brain sends me a snapshot of several filthy and taboo images that I’d love to act out involving licking something sweet off of Dom’s chest.
“Whatever you think,” Dom responds while I stand here with my tongue in a thousand knots and my panties practically smoking. “We can talk about the building and if you have the time, we’d love to run some ideas past you for Ellie’s first birthday. We were thinking about renting a room and doing something big, but we’d only have eleven days to plan.”
“We could also do it after the exact day,” I reason. “If we don’t have time. There’s no stress.” I’m just so ridiculously happy that Dom wants to do this. He spent so much time hiding, but just for Ellie, he’d be okay standing in a room full of people. Granted, none of them would be strangers, but still.
The humility it takes to put discomfort and concerns of that magnitude aside is tremendous.
“Ice cream is on its way,” Kael promises before getting in her car and driving away.
I get Ellie settled in her car seat, planning on making up silly songs for her the whole way home if that’s what it takes to keep her happy, but she occupies herself with the new pink sneakers my mom got her.
I start the truck up, fighting against a sudden wave of homesickness. It’s incredible how you can have everything you ever wanted and still have those twinges of sadness for the people you don’t see every day. I don’t mean that to be malcontent. I think it’s pretty normal. There wasn’t a day ofcollege where I wasn’t missing home, but that was also because I was missing Dom so badly.
It’s definitely tempered now. It’s more like small lapping waves of nostalgia instead of those massive swells that sweep you right under.
I know Dom thinks we have this crazy connection because I’m often able to say exactly what he’s thinking, even out of nowhere, but it’s only because I’ve learned his body language. I know his tells. I can anticipate the way he thinks.
He does it for me too. He holds out his hand. I slip mine into it, resting it on his knee. Just one simple action can undo all the complicated spirals in my brain. It feels sogood.
He holds my hand all the way home.
We make it before Ellie melts down, but barely. After a diaper change, I get her situated in the living room with a baby gate at the staircase and one to block off the kitchen. There’s a soft rug with dark blue circles, situated between the couch and the two chairs that take up most of the space.
I leave the door open because it’s nice enough that the breeze coming through the screen door is nice.
We can all see Kael as she pulls up. She walks up the sidewalk with her big floral tote slung over her shoulder and two trays of ice creams balanced in her hands.
Dom rushes out to help her while I watch Ellie. She’s freshly changed and had some apple sauce and a few crackers. She knows what ice cream is, and when she spots the cone that I’m sure is for her, with the little vanilla swirl on top, shescreamslike a wild beast.
“Oh! Someone’s excited. I should have called you and asked what to get. I hope vanilla is okay?”
“It’s perfect.” I head to the kitchen, hopping over the baby gate, to get a dish so that the ice cream doesn’t end up all over the rug, couches, and whatever else Ellie can possibly reach.
She loves feeding herself, but I still move the gate and wheel the highchair into the living room.
Dom’s already taken the trays from Kael. I pick Ellie out from between her block castle she’s creating, swing her high in the air, and plunk her down in the chair. She’s so excited for the ice cream that she kicks the chair half to death. I’m glad that of all the things I spent money on, I splurged on this. It’s multipurpose and can also turn into a swing, which we used it for when she was little. It’s the kind of furniture that will survive generations.
I hope.
Ellie dives into her bowl with spoon, hands, and face. I kept the cone for later, so she can just take her time with it after she gets the good stuff.
