Page 44 of Tango
My stomach twists, and I take another bite of dinner even though I was full a long time ago. I need the distraction though, because right now, it’s all I can do to keep from staring at Alice Sterling as she interacts with my family as though we’re all old friends.
“You doing okay?” Dylan asks me quietly. He’s sitting to my right, with Riley at my left. Alice is sandwiched between Lani and Kennedy, across from me and two chairs down.
“Fine. Why?”
“Call it twin-tuition. And you’re not your usual chatty self. You seemed fine earlier. Did something happen?”
“No.” I sigh. I should keep my mouth shut, especially given how he feels about Alice. But I’ve never been one to lie to Dylan. Not when asked a direct question. “I’m just catching feelings that I don’t want to have.”
“Catching feelings?” Dylan arches a brow. “That’s an interesting way to phrase it. How old are you again?”
I glare at him. “It’s something Lani said the other day. Shut it.”
Dylan grins, but I notice that it doesn’t reach his eyes. Honestly, it’s so rare that a smile does these days. Every now and then, I get a glimpse of my twin before his suffering, but most of the time, he’s this other version of himself.
Guarded and broken. Barely pieced together.
“How about you clear her of murder before you catch those feelings?” he advises.
“Working on it. She’s running a program on the video right now. It should be done by the time we get back.”
“And if that comes back the same as every other check you’ve done?”
My heart is heavy at the mere thought. I feel that she’s innocent. But—what if I’m wrong? Will I turn her in?
I know the answer. Despite how I’m starting to feel, I will turn her in because, if she did murder Ramiro, then it’s the right thing to do.
“I’ll do the right thing,” I reply. “But it won’t come back the same.”
“If it helps, I hope you find something too. And as for the catching feelings—ridiculous expression, by the way—you could catch worse ones.”
I snort. “Thanks, Dylan.”
“Who’s ready for dessert?” Mom announces as she stands. “I made banana pudding, minus one bite,” she adds, glaring at me with a knowing look. “Jemma baked the vanilla cookies that are inside from scratch.”
“Sign me up for a bowl!” Riley calls out.
Beside him, Jules laughs, and I can’t help but notice just how much my brother’s wife has changed over the last year and a half since they met. Her haunted gaze is lighter, her smile easier to come by.
Will that be Dylan someday?
Will unexpected love heal him too?
I look at Alice, and for the first time, my vow to not find love until Dylan learns to love again is nearly too heavy to carry. But I just can’t stomach the idea of being happy when he can’t be.
My throat constricts, a desire for fresh air suddenly so strong I cannot ignore it. So, pushing up from my chair, I say, “I’ll be right back,” then head out of the room and onto the front porch.
The night air is still hot, but it’s fresh as I draw it into my lungs and lean against the porch railing. For years now, I’ve been haunted by the knowledge of what Dylan suffered through.
I know that there will never be a day that goes by where I’m not reminded of everything those monsters stole from him. My hands clench into fists, and I drop my head.
Lord, please take these thoughts from me. Please cleanse them from me, Lord. Please take this pain. And please, God, place Your Mighty Hand upon my brother and heal him. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Behind me, the door opens and closes softly.
“It’s a gorgeous night,” Jules says as she steps up beside me and rests her palms against the sturdy porch railing.
“It is.”
