Page 17 of Dust and Desire
“Thanks,” I said, taking the bag. “You didn’t have to come all the way out here.”
Dakota shrugged, leaning against the doorframe. “No big deal. Besides, I wanted to check on you. You’ve been even more of a hermit than usual lately.”
I felt a flush creep up my neck. “Just busy with... work.”
Dakota raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Right. Well, there’s a bonfire tonight. By the lake. Everyone’s going.”
“Everyone?” I couldn’t help asking, and immediately regretted it when Dakota’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“Yeah, everyone. Including that new hand you’ve been avoiding.”
“I haven’t been?—”
“Save it,” Dakota cut me off with a knowing smirk. “I’ve seen you duck behind buildings when Reyes comes around. Real subtle by the way.”
I groaned, covering my face with my free hand. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only to someone who’s been watching,” Dakota said, his voice softening. “Look, whatever’s going on between you two, you can’t solve it by hiding in your cabin. Come tonight. Have a beer. Talk to the guy.”
“There’s nothing going on,” I protested weakly.
Dakota just looked at me, his expression a mix of amusement and pity. “Is that why you’re so holed up in this cabin? Because you wish therewassomething going on?”
My heart leapt into my throat, and I forced my gaze to the floor, unable to speak.
“So that’s it,” Dakota grinned, that knowing smile almost more than I could bear. “You’ve got a crush on him, don’t you?”
I opened my mouth to deny it, but no words came out. Heat spread across my face like wildfire.
“I thought so,” Dakota said, his voice surprisingly gentle. “Look, I’m not judging. Just... come to the bonfire, okay? Stop hiding.”
I clutched the bag of pie tighter, the paper crinkling under my grip. “I don’t know, Dakota. I’m not really a bonfire kind of guy.”
“You weren’t a ranch kind of guy either, but here you are.” He pushed off from the doorframe. “Eight o’clock. Bring a jacket. It gets cold by the water.”
Before I could formulate another excuse, Dakota was striding away, his long strides carrying him quickly across the yard. I watched him go, anxiety and anticipation warring in my chest.
A bonfire. With Alex there. The thought made my palms sweat.
I shut the door and leaned against it, much like I had after seeing Alex naked at the creek. It seemed all I did these days was lean against things, trying to catch my breath after encounters that left me reeling.
“Fuck it,” I muttered, setting the pie on the counter.
Dakota was right. I couldn’t keep hiding. And if Alex was avoiding me, well, at least I’d know for sure. No more of this limbo, this endless replaying of moments that might have meant nothing to him but everything to me.
Besides, it was high time I didsomethingwith another man. I’d left my wife and my life behind me because I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. But so far all I’d done in Sagebrush wasavoidwhat I wanted. And if I kept doing that, then what was all my sacrifice for? Even if Alex wasn’t my person, he might at least be able to show me what it was like to be myself for once. That had to be worth something, right?
I spent the rest of the afternoon in a state of nervous anticipation,changing my outfit three times before settling on jeans and a blue button-down that Ali once told me brought out my eyes. I trimmed my beard, dabbed on cologne, then wiped most of it off, worried it was too much.
By the time eight o’clock rolled around, I was a mess of nerves. I’d almost talked myself out of going twice, but the memory of Dakota’s knowing look kept me moving forward. I grabbed a six-pack from my fridge as a peace offering and headed out into the night.
The walk to the lake wasn’t long, but each step felt heavier than the last. I could see the glow of the fire before I reached it, hear the laughter and music floating across the water. For a moment, I paused at the edge of the trees, watching.
They all looked so comfortable together. Caroline Baker sat in a folding chair, her weathered face animated as she talked to Beau. Dakota was stoking the fire, while Logan and some of the other hands were passing around bottles of beer. And there, on the far side of the fire, was Alex. The flames cast golden light across his features, shadows dancing in the hollows of his cheeks. He was laughing at something Colt had said, his head thrown back, throat exposed.
God, he looked delicious…
I almost turned around right then. What place did I have among these people? I was an outsider, a city boy playing at country life. No matter how long I stayed on Baker Ranch, I felt like I was out of place. It was my home now and yet, I felt like more of an imposter than ever.
