Page 19 of Dust and Desire
The words hung in the air between us, loaded with possibility. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, about to jump into something that would change everything.
“Alex, I?—”
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said, setting the stick aside. “For three days.”
“I wasn’t...” I started, then stopped. What was the point in lying? “Okay, maybe I was. A little.”
“Why?” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Did I come on too strong the other night? Did I… make you uncomfortable?”
“No,” I said quickly. “God, no.” I paused. “Okay, maybe a little. But it wasn’t that.”
“Then what?”
I stared down at my hands, trying to find the words. How could I explain that I was terrified? That I’d never been with a man before? That every time he looked at me, I felt like I might combust?
“I’m not good at this,” I said finally. “At... whatever this is.”
Alex was quiet for a long moment. When I finally looked up, he was studying me with those intense brown eyes.
“What do you think this is?” he asked softly.
My mouth went dry. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
He stood then, moving around the fire with fluid grace until he was standing right in front of me. Close enough that I could smell his cologne, could see the golden flecks in his brown eyes.
“I think,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, “that you’re one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. And you think I’m good lookin’ too.”
My breath caught in my throat. “Alex...”
“Am I wrong?” His hand came up to cup my jaw, thumb brushing across my cheekbone. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll walk away right now. Pretend this never happened.”
I leaned into his touch, my eyes fluttering closed. “You’re… not wrong.”
When I opened my eyes, my breath caught in my throat. He was so close.
“But I…”
“What is it?” he asked, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“I… I can’t do this,” I heard myself say, pulling away from him. I was on my feet in an instant, tears already in my eyes as years of hiding, grief, and dishonesty came flooding back. “I just… I just can’t.”
And I walked away, the cold night swallowing me up before Alex could stop me.
Chapter 8
Alex
An afternoon off wasn’t a common occasion for a ranch hand such as myself. I was used to hard work, all day and every day. But things at the Baker Ranch were turning out much different than any other ranch I’d ever worked on. For one thing, I didn’t have to bust my ass nearly as much. Thanks to the arena and the rodeo classes, the ranch made plenty of money. That meant they could afford all the hands they needed to take care of the place. And that, in turn, meant that each hand got a day off every week. I could barely believe my luck.
Most of the hands went down to Amarillo for their day off or out to the Rusty Spur for a long day of beer, pool, and whatever other mischief they could get up to. My truck was reliable, but old, and I didn’t feel like pressing my luck trying to drive all the way to Amarillo. Then again, I didn’t feel much like boozin’ all night down at the Rusty Spur either.
Instead, I chose to work the morning, even though I didn’t have to. Honestly, doing something physical to start my day put me in a good mood. I was used to it, and I just plain didn’t know what to waste a morning on without it. But as afternoon rolled around, Iwent back to the apartment. A quick nap and a shower later and I was on my way into Sagebrush proper. It wasn’t much, but I thought I’d take myself out to dinner. Nobody else was going to and as far as I was concerned, I was worth it. I would’ve liked to take Dustin with me, but after the bonfire two nights ago, I had a feeling he didn’t want to see me anymore.
For some reason, his reaction to me was getting me all twisted up inside. I wasn’t used to being turned down. Usually the guys, when I found them, couldn’t get enough of me. Maybe it was egotistical, but I’d gotten sort of used to being a hot commodity. I liked the attention, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
But something about Dustin was different. He wasn’t like those other guys. He was quiet, well mannered, and about as shy as they came. He was also gorgeous from head to toe with a pair of blue eyes I could get lost in forever. There was something else though, a sort of melancholy haze around him that I desperately wanted to brush away with soft kisses and whispered nothings. He had the look of a man that had been through hell and back. I just wished he’d tell me why. Or give me a chance to try to make it better. Even just one night might cheer him up. And restore my bruised ego.
The diner was bustling when I walked in, the lunch crowd still lingering despite it being past three in the afternoon. The bell above the door jingled, announcing my arrival, and a few heads turned my way. I nodded politely, tipping my hat at an older woman I didn’t recognize who was leaving with her grandson in tow.
