Page 30 of Dust and Desire
Unfortunately, I didn’t get much of a choice. When my body found nothing, I rolled over and stretched, trying to grab Alex and pull him toward me. All I found instead was an empty bed and a rumpled quilt. I opened my eyes.
He wasn’t there.
Immediately my doubts came crashing in. Had Alex snuck out in the middle of the night? Was it because he didn’t like me? Or maybe it’s because I was so bad in bed. After all, I didn’t have any experience with men. The blowjob was probably so awful that he ran off. Or maybe it was because I’d asked him to be rough with me. That couldbe it. I supposed it was sort of a kinky request for our first time. Or maybe I just didn’t mean anything to him. Now and forever, he would always be my first. But to him, maybe I was just another guy in a long trail of broken hearts he’d left scattered over middle America.
My spiral was just about to go out of control and ruin my entire day when I saw the piece of paper sitting on the bedside table. It was a sheet from my grocery list and the pen from the kitchen sat on top of it, weighing it down.
I reached for the note with trembling fingers, almost afraid to read it. The handwriting was a little messy but still legible, with the bold strokes of someone used to working with their hands rather than a pen.
Morning, beautiful. Had to help with the early feed. Didn’t want to wake you. You looked too peaceful. Last night was amazing. Meet me for dinner tonight? Just the two of us. I’ll pick you up at 7p.
- Alex
A small heart was drawn next to his name.
I clutched the paper to my chest, relief washing over me like a cool rain after a drought. He hadn’t left me. He hadn’t regretted what happened between us. He wanted to see me again.
I fell back against the pillows, a giddy smile spreading across my face. The sheets still smelled like him, like hay and leather and that sweet cologne he wore. I buried my face in the pillow where his head had rested, inhaling deeply, letting the memories of last night flood back. His hands on my skin. His mouth. The way he’d looked at me like I was something precious. I was hard almost immediately thinking of him, my hips grinding against the mattress without my permission. But I didn’t care, it felt good to be wanted by another man, to be sucked by another man, and to becommandedby another man.
It was the thing I’d been missing my whole life.
I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling, my cock still throbbing against my stomach. The memory of Alex’s taste lingeredon my tongue, and I couldn’t help but wonder what else he might taste like. What other parts of him I might explore tonight.
Tonight. Dinner. Just the two of us.
My stomach fluttered with a mix of excitement and nerves. This wasn’t just a hookup anymore, this was a date. An actual date with an actual man who actually wanted me. I could scarcely breathe.
I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, checking the time. Just past nine. I had ten hours to get through before seeing him again, and suddenly that felt like an eternity.
I forced myself out of bed, wincing slightly at the soreness in my jaw. The memory of why it was sore sent another pulse of heat through me, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down. A shower. I needed a shower.
The hot water felt good on my skin, washing away the dried evidence of last night’s activities. As I soaped up my body, I couldn’t help but notice the slight marks Alex had left behind. There was a faint bruise on my hip where he’d gripped me and a tender spot on my neck where he’d sucked just a little too hard. Each one sent a thrill through me. Evidence that it had been real and not just one of my late-night fantasies.
After drying off, I made coffee and settled on the porch with my laptop, determined to get some writing done. The blank document stared back at me, but for once, the cursor didn’t feel like an accusation. Words came easily, flowing through my fingers and onto the page, not polished or perfect, but honest. Raw. Real.
I wrote about desire. About discovery. About the feeling of another man’s hands on my skin for the first time. I didn’t know if anyone would ever read it, but it didn’t matter. This was for me. A record of the night everything had changed.
My phone buzzed beside me, interrupting my flow. My heart leapt, hoping it was Alex, but it was Ali’s name that flashed on the screen.
Ali: How’s my favorite ex-husband?
I stared at the text, guilt immediately flooding my system.Ali and I had managed to maintain a friendship after the divorce, a tentative one at first, then stronger as the months passed. She’d been supportive of my move to Sagebrush, even as she questioned why I’d chosen such a remote location. But we hadn’t spoken in a few days, and now here she was, checking in just as I’d finally taken this step. It was like the universe was toying with me. And not in a good way.
Me: Still breathing. How’s NYC treating you?
Three dots appeared immediately.
Ali: Same old chaos. Just closed a big case. Celebrating with too much wine and takeout.
I smiled, imagining her in her apartment, curled up on the couch with a glass of red and containers of Thai food spread across her coffee table.
Me: Congratulations. You deserve it.
Another pause. Then the dots appeared once more.
Ali: Actually… I have someone coming over tonight to help me celebrate. A friend I met at work.
Me: Oh? Somebody I know?
