Page 42 of Dust and Desire
“Too much?” I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better look at him. “Dustin, last night was perfect. You were perfect.”
The relief that washed over his features was so profound it made my chest ache. How could someone so incredible be so uncertain about their worth?
“I just... I know it wasn’t exactly…normal,” he said quietly. “The blindfold thing, asking you to... take control like that. It’s not exactly vanilla.”
I cupped his face gently, forcing him to meet my eyes. “Hey, listen to me. There is nothing about you that’s not normal. Nothing. What we did last night was beautiful and intimate and exactly what we both needed.”
He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. “I haven’t felt this comfortable with someone in... well, maybe ever.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, both thrilling and terrifying. This beautiful, broken man was trusting me with pieces of himself, and here I was keeping secrets that could shatter everything between us.
“Me neither,” I admitted, because that much was true. “You make me feel…good.”
“You’d be the first,” he replied, going quiet again.
“What’s the supposed to mean?” I asked, forcing his chin up so his gaze met mine.
“You know my story,” he said, those blue eyes of his getting watery. “How I’ve been disappointing everyone my whole life because I couldn’t come to terms with myself.”
“Dustin,” I said roughly, grabbing his chin between my fingers. “I’m gonna need you to stop beating yourself up, alright? That was years ago. You told the truth, you figured it out, and you moved on.” I looked him over, making sure he was listening with his entire being. “You’re not a disappointment. You’re just a person, like the rest of us, trying to figure it out one day at a time.”
He stared at me for a long moment, something shifting in his expression. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make me believe it might actually be true.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
I leaned down and kissed him softly, tasting the vulnerability on his lips. “Because it is true. And maybe... maybe I need you to believe it as much as you do.”
He pulled back slightly, studying my face. “What do you mean?”
Shit. I’d said too much, let my own insecurities slip through. “Nothing, just... we all have our demons, I guess.”
“Alex.” His hand found my cheek, thumb brushing along my jaw. “You can talk to me too, you know. It doesn’t always have to be about my baggage.”
The irony wasn’t lost on me. Here he was, offering me the exact opening I should take to tell him about Keith, about the journal, about everything. But looking into those trusting blue eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to shatter the peace we’d found.
“I know,” I said instead, catching his hand and pressing it to my lips. “Right now though, I just want to focus on this. On us. On the fact that I get to wake up next to the most incredible man I’ve ever met.”
A blush crept up his neck. “You’re going to make me cry again.”
“Happy tears this time, I hope.”
“Pretty happy,” he confirmed, pulling me down for another kiss. This one was deeper, more urgent, and I felt my body responding despite our conversation. His hands roamed over my back, fingers tracing the muscles there with reverent touches.
“Mmm,” he hummed against my lips. “I love how you feel.”
“Yeah?” I shifted so I was hovering over him, drinking in the sight of him spread out beneath me in the morning light. “What else do you love?”
The question slipped out before I could stop it, loaded with more meaning than I’d intended. His eyes widened slightly, and I saw the moment he understood what I was really asking even though I knew I shouldn’t.
“I love...” he started, then stopped, color flooding his cheeks. “I love how safe you make me feel. How you don’t judge me for the things I need. How you look at me like I’m worth something.”
My heart hammered against my ribs. “You are worth something. You’re worth alotof something.”
His eyes softened, and he reached up to trace my jawline with gentle fingers. “You make me believe that. And I... I’m starting to think maybe you’re worth something to me too.”
The words hung between us, fragile and new. I couldn’t speak for a moment, afraid I’d shatter whatever was growing between us. Instead, I leaned down and pressed my forehead against his, breathing him in.
