Page 44 of Dust and Desire
Needless to say, while Alex was working on the ranch, my fingers were furiously typing away on my laptop. No longer did I just doodle my thoughts into the corners of journals or half-assed blog posts that would never get published. Instead, I was aflame with creative energy, writing characters, ideas, and scenes that left me breathless and tight in my jeans. Romance was what I was experiencing, so that’s what I wrote. Although my stories had a distinctly British Edwardian twist. I always was a sucker for a good period romance.Bridgertonhad pretty much changed my life the moment it came out. Not that I’d admit that to anyone.
But I found myself unable to let go of the cowboy aesthetic. Alex’s visage had worked its way into my mind, and it wasn’t letting go. So my story, against my own wishes, slowly turned into something unexpected. A cowboy in England, the distant cousin turned heir to a title and a large estate in shambles, come to claim his riches against his will. And his soon to be lover, a local solicitor who was handling the transfer of the estate. It seemed maybe a little too on the nose since I was also a lawyer and Alex was my cowboy. But I didn’t let that stop me from fantasizing. And the sex between them? Well, it left me panting and leaking every time I had to write a scene.
After one particularly erotic scene where the cowboy tied his young lawyer to the bed and fucked him, I decided to take myself on a walk to cool down. As much as I wanted to slip my jeans down and stroke my leaking cock, reliving the scene over in my head, I knew Iwanted to save myself for Alex that night. The sex with him was alwaysmuchbetter than anything I could do to myself anyway and I wanted to be fully present in those moments.
So, with a languid stretch and a readjustment of my dick, I forced myself away from the laptop and to the front door. There, I slipped on my black cowboy boots, the pair I’d come to love since arriving in Sagebrush, and set out into the afternoon sun. The Texas sun hit me like a brick, and I lifted my hand to block the glare even though my sunglasses were the darkest pair I could find. I made a mental note to get a hat one of these days. The guys swore by them, said they wouldn’t be caught outside without one. But I found myself hesitating. Boots were one thing, everyone needed shoes. However, buying a cowboy hat almost felt like I was pushing into a world I didn’t belong to, like I was trying to lie about who I really was. After all, I wasn’t a cowboy, I was a lawyer from New York who bought his way into a rural life. I didn’t exactlyearnit.
Turning away from the sun, I headed down the long lane back to the main house and the rodeo arena. Classes would probably be in full swing this time of day, so maybe I could watch the barrel racing for a bit. Either way, it was good just to get out of the house. I’d been far too cooped up the past week.
The air was thick with dust as I approached the arena, and I could hear the rhythmic thunder of hooves before I even rounded the corner. I paused at the fence, watching as a teenage girl with long braids guided her chestnut quarter horse through the barrels with precision that made my heart race. Caroline stood in the center, stopwatch in hand, nodding approvingly as she finished her run.
“Not bad, Michaela! You shaved off another two seconds!”
I leaned against the weathered wood, content to observe without drawing attention. There was something hypnotic about watching these riders work in perfect harmony with their mounts, a dance of trust and instinct that I’d never fully appreciated before coming here.
“Enjoying the show?”
I turned to find Colt Dawson beside me, his hattipped low against the sun. I hadn’t seen him since that day at the diner. It had been… what? A week maybe? More? Usually I followed Colt around like a lost puppy, content to drink in his good looks without ever getting close enough to touch. It was unlike not to be smitten with him. But as I stared at those handsome features, ginger hair, and green eyes, I realized he suddenly held much less sway over me.
“Just needed some fresh air,” I replied, trying to sound casual. “Been writing all morning.”
Colt nodded, his eyes fixed on me. “Logan and Dakota said you’ve been keeping to yourself a lot lately.” He grinned wide, that cocky smile of his always present. “Well… notalone, anyway.”
My heart began to race. “I… uh… I don’t know what you mean,” I said, pretending to be very interested in what was going on in the arena.
“Uh-huh,” he chuckled. “Sure you don’t.” He leaned against the fence beside me, watching for a moment as well. “You know, I think it’s really great that you found someone to spend your time with. You deserve that. And Alex seems like a nice guy.”
The words hit me like a physical blow, and I felt heat flood my cheeks. “I... we’re not...” I started, but the lie died on my lips. What was the point? Clearly everyone knew.
“Hey,” Colt said softly, his voice losing that teasing edge. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just... you look happy. Really happy. And that’s a good thing.”
I glanced at him, surprised by the sincerity in his tone. “Do I?”
“Yeah, you do. You’ve got this... I don’t know, this glow about you that wasn’t there before.” He smiled, and for the first time it felt genuine rather than performative. “Whatever Alex is doing, it’s working.”
My throat tightened with emotion. “I didn’t realize it was so obvious.”
“Only to those of us who have eyes,” Colt said with a shrug. “And honestly? Good for you. Life’s too short to spend it alone when you could be with someone who makes you smile like that.”
I touched my face unconsciously. “I’m smiling?”
“Like an idiot,” he confirmed with a grin. “It’s actually kind of adorable.”
The easy camaraderie between us felt different now, less charged with the nervous energy I used to feel around him. I realized with startling clarity that my crush on Colt had evaporated completely, replaced by something deeper and more real with Alex.
“Can I ask you something?” I said, turning to face him properly.
“Shoot.”
“How do you know when it’s... when it’s real? Not just infatuation or loneliness or whatever?”
Colt was quiet for a long moment, his expression growing thoughtful. “I think... I think it’s when you stop trying to be someone else around them. When you can just be yourself, flaws and all, and they still look at you like you hung the moon.” He paused, his voice dropping. “When you stop performing and start living.”
The words resonated so deeply I felt them in my bones. That was exactly what Alex had done for me, given me permission to stop pretending, to stop trying to be the person I thought I should be. Is that what Eli had done for Colt? Sure, I’d been there when they made up, but I never realized how deeply they must’ve felt for one another. Logically I knew they were in love, but hearing Colt speak now… I knew it was a once in a lifetime kind of love, not just convenience.
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “That sounds about right.”
“So, it is real then?” Colt asked, and there was something almost wistful in his voice.
