Page 55 of Dust and Desire
After dressing in clean jeans and a t-shirt, I made coffee and toast, my mind still racing. I’d have to clean the place up, maybe wash the sheets. Should I tell her about Alex right away, or let her settle in first? Would she be hurt that I’d moved on so quickly?
No, that was ridiculous. She’d been dating Jason for months. She’d moved on long before I had. And we’d been divorced for two years. Surely that was plenty of time. Still, there was something different about this, about Alex. Something that might make her realize our marriage had been doomed from the start in a way that had nothing to do with her.
My phone buzzed with a text from Alex.
Alex: Morning, beautiful. Miss you already. Lunch at the diner later? I wanted to chat with you anyway.
My heart fluttered at his words. How did he always know exactly what to say to make me feel like a teenager with his first crush?
Me: I’d love that. Need to talk to you about something too.
Alex: Everything okay?
Me: Yeah, just some unexpected news. Nothing bad. Tell you when I see you.
Alex: Can’t wait. Love you.
Love you. Those words still felt new and precious, like fragile glass I was afraid to hold too tightly. I set my phone down, smiling despite my anxiety about Ali’s visit.
I finished my coffee and toast, trying to shake off the nervous energy that had settled in my chest. The thought of Ali seeing this place, seeing the evidence of my life with Alex, made me want to hide everything away. But that was ridiculous. I was a grown man, and I had nothing to be ashamed of.
Still, I found myself tidying up more than usual, folding Alex’sclothes and putting them in the dresser, straightening the books on the coffee table. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of him. God, no. I was more proud of what we had than I’d ever been of anything. But Ali represented my past, the version of myself I’d been trying so hard to move beyond. Having her here felt like those two worlds colliding in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready for. It just plain made me nervous.
By the time I was supposed to meet Alex at the diner, I’d worked myself into a state of anxious energy. I grabbed my keys and headed out, the heat hitting me like a wall the moment I stepped outside. The storm had definitely brought the humidity with it, and my shirt was already sticking to my back by the time I reached my truck.
The diner was busy with the lunch crowd, but I spotted Alex immediately. He was sitting in a corner booth, his black hat on the table beside him, his short brown hair slightly mussed from wearing the hat all day. When he saw me, his face lit up with that sunshine smile that never failed to make my heart skip.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said as I slid into the booth across from him, his voice warm and intimate despite the crowded diner.
“Hey yourself,” I replied, suddenly feeling better just being near him. “How was your morning?”
Something flickered across his expression, too quick for me to read. “Busy. You know how it is. What about you? You said you had news?”
I took a breath, steadying myself. “My ex-wife is coming to visit. Tomorrow, actually. She just broke up with her boyfriend and needs to get away for a bit.”
Alex’s smile faltered slightly, and I saw him process this information. “Your ex-wife. Ali.”
“Yeah.” I fidgeted with my napkin, suddenly nervous about his reaction. “She’s my best friend, really. Has been since college. The marriage thing... it was complicated, but we’re still close.”
“Of course,” Alex said, but his voice sounded strained. “How long is she staying?”
“I don’t know yet. She sounded pretty upset about the breakup.”I reached across the table, covering his hand with mine. “I wanted to tell you before she got here. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to go back to your apartment for a few days, or...”
“No.” The word came out sharper than I think he intended, and he immediately softened his tone. “I mean, if you want me to give you space with her, I can. But I don’t want to go back to my place.”
There was something in his voice, a fear that I knew all too well.
“She’s gonna stay at the inn here in town,” I added, reaching across the table to take his hand. “I’m going after lunch to book her a room. You don’t have to worry. I only belong to you.”
“Sorry,” Alex sighed, letting the tension out of his body. He squeezed my hand before leaning down to kiss my knuckles. “I just got a little protective there. I know your past still causes you pain and I don’t want to lose you to it.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” I reassured him.
“Promise?” The way he looked at me, I had a feeling he needed to hear it.
“I promise,” I replied. “Now what did you need to talk to me about?”
Alex’s expression shifted, and I noticed a tightness around his eyes that hadn’t been there before. He withdrew his hand from mine, running it through his short hair in that way he did when he was nervous.
