Page 76 of Dust and Desire
“You stalker is in jail,” Dustin said flatly. “Dolly caught him trying to escape through the bathroom window. Had her shotgun on him before he could blink.”
The world tilted beneath my feet. “What?”
“Keith Bordeaux,” Dustin spat the name like it tasted foul. “The man who’s been terrorizing you for years. The man you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about.”
I took a step toward him, then stopped, afraid of what I might see in his eyes. “Dustin, I was trying to protect you?—”
“Bullshit!” His voice echoed through the empty barn, startling a few birds from the rafters. “You don’t protect someone by lying to them, Alex! You don’t protect someone by making decisions for them!”
“He threatened you… and Ali,” I said desperately. “He had pictures of us together. He said he’d hurt you if I didn’t leave with him.”
Dustin’s expression flickered, a brief softening before the anger returned. “So, your solution was to just... what? Sacrifice yourself? Disappear from my life without even giving me the chance to help?”
“What could you have done?” I threw my hands up in frustration. “Keith is dangerous, Dustin. He’s obsessed. He’s been following me for years.”
“And I would have stood by you!” Dustin shouted, crossing the distance between us in three quick strides. He wasn’t the timid ex-lawyer I remembered. This man was full of rage and passion. “I would have faced him with you. But you didn’t give me that choice. You decided for both of us you fucking idiot!”
We were inches apart now, close enough that I could see the hurt swimming beneath his anger, the betrayal that darkened his eyes to stormy blue. It gutted me.
“I couldn’t risk you,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you because of me.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make,” Dustin said, his voice dropping to match mine. “I’m not some delicate thing that needs to be sheltered, Alex. I’m a grown man who fell in love with you. Hell, I’m at least seven years older than you! I would have done anything to keep you safe!”
The words hit me like physical blows. “I was scared,” I admitted, the truth finally spilling out. “I was terrified that if you knew about Keith, about the terrible things I said to him when we were together... that you’d see me differently. That you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
Dustin’s expression softened marginally. “What things?” he asked, his tone still sharp. “Or are you going to hide that from me to? Tell me what he threatened you with that could be so horrible.”
I took a deep breath, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Reaching up, I pulled my hat off, turning it in my hands nervously.
“When Keith and I got together,” I said, forcing myself to stare at the rotten dry straw on the barn floor. “I was… young andangry.”
“Why?” he asked flatly.
“Because…” I took another breath knowing all my personal secrets were about to be spilled at last. But they should’ve been shared long ago. “Because my parents kicked me out of the house when I was sixteen. When they found out I was gay.”
Dustin just sighed. “Alex…”
“You don’t understand,” I said, tears already running down my cheeks as I turned away from him. “It wasn’t just that they kicked me out and I went to live with a friend or something. I hadnowhereto go. I dropped out of school, I did odd jobs to get by…” My voice softened to barely a whisper. “I did… lots of things that no sixteen-year-old should be doing just to hitch a ride.Anythingto get away from them and what they threatened to do to me.”
“Alex…”
“That’s not the worst of it,” I said, cutting him off. “The worst part is that when I met Keith a few years later, I was still so bitter and angry that I… I made a lot of death threats against my parents.” My heart was pounding in my ears, and I could barely breathe. “He has all the texts. Every single hateful word I’ve ever said. And if he uses his influence to get them out into the world… nobody would trust me again. Not even… not evenyou.”
Dustin’s expression changed, the anger giving way to something deeper, more pained. He stepped closer, his hand reaching out to gently turn my face toward his.
“Is that what you think of me?” he asked, his voice low and wounded. “That I’d abandon you because you were hurt and angry as a teenager? That I’d judge you for surviving something no child should ever have to face?”
I couldn’t meet his eyes, shame burning through me. “The things I said, Dustin... they were vile. Violent. I fantasized about hurting them, about making them suffer the way they made me suffer.”
“But did you ever act on it?” His question was gentle but direct.
“No,” I whispered. “Never. I just... said things. Terrible things.”
“Because you were a child who’d been betrayed by the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally.” Dustin’s hand moved to cup my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “Do you think I don’t understand rage? Do you think I’ve never had dark thoughts?”
A bitter laugh escaped me. “You? Mr. Corporate Lawyer with the perfect life?”
His eyes flashed. “Perfect? I lived a lie for thirty years, Alex. I married my best friend knowing something was wrong, that I was lying to her and to myself every single day. You don’t think I had moments of despair? Of fury? Of wanting to burn everything down around me?”
