Page 27 of Beg for Death
I watched as he reluctantly took a step back. And then another. He reached for the teddy, his eyes questioning. I didn't tell him to leave it. There wasn't much that he wouldn't hear when I got to work. Might as well have it. Better than me touching him, getting him soaked with years of blood that I would never understand how to stop shedding. The urge was strong, too strong. And tonight? I needed it.
"Turn on the shower," I said. "Sit in the bathroom if you want. I don't care."
I turned my back on him. As the sound of the door clicked shut, I stared at Cameron on the floor. His eyes were wide, pain etched onto his face. I flipped the knife in my hand. Nice and slow. It was for tonight. I needed to take out my frustrations, all my stress. And from the way Felix acted tonight? I knew one thing for certain.
There could be no more touching him. No more crawling into bed with him. None of it. He saw me, the real me, and couldn't swallow it. It was better to keep him at arm's length because if there was one thing I knew about victims? It was that they always tried to run eventually.
If he's not already manipulating me.
My jaw clenched. "Let's get started. It's going to be a late night."
Chapter Twelve
Felix
Imade it to the safety of my room, but the moment I looked at the bed, my stomach dropped. A loud thump came from the living room and my world tilted to the side. I couldn't possibly go back out there.
What was Ezra doing with Cameron, anyway? I'd successfully avoided him since we broke up only to come face-to-face with him in my kidnappers home. There were so many thoughts buzzing around in my head, it was hard to concentrate on just one.
I licked my lips, flinching every single time a sound carried past the barrier of the door. The bathroom was only a few steps away. I could go in there, turn the shower on like Ezra said, and drown it all out. He'd come for me once he was done. Right?
Did I even want him to? My heart flip-flopped, and I knew instantly that I did. I knew already Ezra's hands weren't clean; he'd been too prepared to kill the last man. He'd handled everything with a calm ease that only came from know how. I stared down at my own hands. They weren't free of blood either.
Even so, did I have it in me to kill? Again?
The questions wouldn't let up, and I started to pace in front of the door. Ezra's words crept up and refused to be ignored. I could either stay a victim or be something else. I'd always assumed that was my lot in life. I wasn't as confident or handsome as my father and everyone had made sure I knew it. My flaws were constantly on display, and anyone who took interest in me made sure I understood how lucky I was.
Everyone except Ezra.
I turned around, my teddy clutched tightly in my arms. He said I could go to the bathroom. Even when disappointment had shown clearly on his face, he still did more for me than anyone ever had.
And here I was hiding away like some pathetic wimp.
I was tired of letting everyone else have everything in life while I stayed in the background not even grasping for scraps. I wanted more.
The hinges on the door creaked as I opened it back up. He hadn't followed behind me to lock the door and that told me everything I needed to know. He was upset with me. Unease settled in the pit of my stomach as I stepped back into the hallway. I stopped short of leaving my room.
"Wait, please. Someone help! Please help me!"
"Shut the fuck up already." A loud crack echoed down the hall.
I rubbed at my arms as a chill covered me.
"Please, why are you doing this?" Cameron's words were nothing more than a wheeze.
"Fuck if I know anymore. Maybe you're not lucky. Or maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time."
None of those reasons felt real. Cameron begged and pleaded to be let go. For someone to save him. As much as I didn't want to be the one to kill him, I wasn't going to run to rescue either. He didn't deserve it.
I placed my bear on the bed before rolling my shoulders back and heading down the hall. Each step brought me closer to the darkness I had no business being a part of. My heart beat faster the closer I got. The tiny voice in the back of my head saidturn back and runbut I refused. I wanted to be where Ezra was.
There, in the living room, Ezra had moved all the furniture to the side much like the time he'd brought that other man in. There was a camouflage tarp on the ground taped down. Camreon was on the ground, his arms bound together above his head and his legs were also bound. His shirt was missing and a few jagged crisscrosses decorated his chest. They weren't so deep the blood flowed, it was more of a drip, but probably hurt just as much.
He'd done it all himself. I felt bad. I could have at least helped him set up. I twisted my fingers as I stood there staring down at them. Cameron's blue eyes locked in on me first. Once upon a time, I'd fallen for those eyes. I thought they twinkled like the ocean. He'd been my whole world but I had never been his. There was never a time I wasn't going to the clinic on campus because Cameron had stepped out on me and brought something back. I got lucky there was nothing life threatening.
"Help, please. Felix!" He blinked rapidly, blood slowly slid down his forehead. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "Baby, help me."
The sound of him calling me baby made my ears hurt. I frowned and turned away from him. He called a lot of people baby. He once told me it was just a word, nothing more, and I shouldn't get sad when he used to hang around random guys calling them baby.
