Page 52 of Beg for Death
And the truth was that it had hurt. For years, I had never cared about being with anyone or falling in love. Then Jasper appeared and it was all I could think about. A happy family, a real life. A home. It had all been snatched away from me in the blink of an eye. Then there had been nothing left but loneliness, and a deep sinking feeling that killing was all that I could and ever would be. That there was nothing besides being a predator who could only take, but never give.
"What happened?" Felix asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I cleared my throat. "We were together for years," I muttered. "Thought everything was good. Showed up for dates, was really nice to him, sacrificed everything. For years, it was enough. And then he saw me, the real me…" I trailed off.
Felix gasped and it nearly made me jump. "He saw you kill someone."
I sucked in a breath and let it out shortly. "Yeah. He saw mealmostkill someone."
"Shit."
The ache in my chest soothed slightly. "Exactly. I mean, not everyone is you," I muttered, realizing that Felix was the person who had been the most accepting of who I was. All of me. Even when it was ugly. "I would have been okay if he told me to leave. Or that he wanted nothing to do with me. Fine, I get it. But he called the cops on me for some nobody. Some asshole that I was taking care of forhim," I growled. "A client from the law firm that was threatening to expose the fact that he was bribing judges. Just wanted him to be happy," I muttered.
When I glanced at Felix, his eyes were wide. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Admitting all of that sat in my chest like a stone. It was bad enough that Jasper had turned me in, sure, anyone with a brain would do that. If he'd just been scared, I would have understood. But he threw me under the busbecause he was afraid to be involved. Somehow, that was worse. That I'd been solving a problem for him and he'd turned away. If he had given me another chance when I got out, if he had seen what I was trying to do for him, I never would have been where I was now. Bitter, pissed off, and just fucking sad.
"I'm sorry," Felix whispered. "To be fair, that's just how my dad is. He's never cared about anyone but himself. Ever. Even when I was little, he ignored me if no one was watching him. To everyone else? Father of the year. To me?" He shrugged. "Honestly, I figured out a long time ago that he would rather I be dead than alive."
A low noise started in my throat. A grumble that turned into a growl. Fuck that.
"That's why I don't care if that motherfucker dies," I mumbled. "He acts like he's perfect for everyone all the time. I'm done with it. Tonight, we're finishing what I started."
Felix's eyes widened. "What?"
"Yeah," I said. "And you're gonna watch. I don't ever want to hear that shit out of your mouth again that I would choose him over you. He's a parasite and you're?—"
I stopped myself. Never. I never talked like this. Not anymore. So why the hell was I doing it with Felix after all Jasper had done to me? It was like their entire family line was full of some kind of drug aimed right for me and the little bit of fucks I had left to care about people.
"I'm what?" Felix pressed.
"Shut up," I muttered.
He gripped my arm with both hands, leaned over, and pressed himself up against me. "No, tell me," he whined. "What am I?"
"Boy, did you take your seatbelt off?"
"Tell me, Daddy," he begged. "Tell me what I am. I want to hear it. I need to."
"If I have to tell you to sit down one more time…" I threatened.
"Come on," Felix asked, his voice pitched higher now as if he was on the verge of breaking down or throwing a fit. "What am I?"
"You're different, okay!" I snapped. "That's all. You're just… you. And I'm okay with that. I like that," I muttered, my hands shaking as I even admitted that. "So sit down, shut the fuck up, and put your seatbelt on before I pull over on the side of this road and spank your ass in front of every car that passes!"
Felix blinked at me. For a long time, he was a frozen statue, big eyes on mine. Slowly, his lips broke into a grin and then he made a squealing noise that filled the car bed way too sharply.
"You think I'm different?"
I groaned. "What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously, someone needs to study you or something," I muttered. "Why do you only hear what you want to hear from me?"
Felix shrugged. "I don't know. I think I hear underneath what you say to me. Like, you say shut up, but I hear you're embarrassed."
My face heated. Goddamn, he was the most annoying person I had ever met in my entire life. My stomach tightened, and I almost pulled over and fucked him anyway because of the principle of it all. Instead, I pressed my foot on the gas harder. We had to hurry up.
"Are we going to my dad's house?" Felix asked. "He doesn't live this way."
"I know," I said. "Trust me, if I know him, and I do, I know exactly where he's going to go. He's had the cops around for days. Jasper can't pull his shit when they're down his throat, so he'll dip off and go where he always goes on Friday nights."
"Which is?"
