Page 105 of Secrets and Seashells at Rainbow Bay
‘Yes,’ I smile, ‘it is alittlebit better than the flat.’
‘I like the people we live with, too. Because we’ve moved around a lot, we’ve never really made many friends, have we? I mean, I’ve made friends at school, but you don’t make many friends, Mum, and I think you have friends here at the castle, friends that make you happy.’
‘Yes, I think I have friends here too.’ I’m touched Charlie is thinking about me in this.
‘Actually, the people we live with here feel like more than just friends; they feel like my family. Because I’ve never really had much of those either, have I?’
‘No, I don’t suppose you have.’
‘I mean, I know I must have some family somewhere, but we don’t ever see them, do we? And I know I have a dad, but I never see him either.’
To Charlie’s credit, he doesn’t say this last part at all accusingly. He just states it as a fact.
‘No, I’m afraid you don’t. I’m sorry about that.’
‘It’s okay.’ Charlie shrugs. ‘Now we live here I sort of have a surrogate family, don’t I?’
I’m surprised Charlie even knows the word surrogate, let alone how to use it in the correct way.
‘I have Dorothy and Arthur, who are sort of like a granddad and grandma to me, and I have Joey and Tiffany, who are like a big brother and sister. Benji is like my fun uncle and Tom . . . ’ He hesitates for the first time. ‘Well, I think if you like him as much as he likes you, he might become my new dad in the future.’
My cheeks immediately flush a shade I can only imagine is a bright crimson. ‘What makes you say that?’ I try to ask as casually as possible. ‘Has Tom said something to you?’
‘Not really, but I know he likes you – a lot. Sometimes when we’re together he asks me about you and stuff.’
‘Oh, does he?’
‘Yeah, just things like what you like and if you ever talk about him.’
‘I see.’
‘But only in a good way,’ Charlie insists, seeing my face. ‘Don’t be cross with him, Mum.’
‘I’m not cross. I like Tom too; very much, actually.’
‘Good, because I don’t want to have to leave here and go somewhere else. I like living at Chesterford Castle, and most of all I reallylovemy new family.’
I tuck Charlie up in his bed and kiss him goodnight. Then I wander through to the lounge and stare out of the window at the sun setting over the beach.
What Charlie said tonight has affected me in several ways. Not just what he said about Tom, flattering though that was, but mainly what he said about having a brand-new family.
From the day Charlie was born I’ve tried to give him everything, and until I became a single mother and we had to move out of our big house and into a series of council flats, I thought I’d been doing pretty well at it.
Even then I tried to not have him want for anything, as difficult as that was. But what I haven’t been able to provide him with, and what I realise he’s been longing for all this time, is a stable home and a family. And now it seems that Chesterford Castle has given him both of those things.
What right do I have to take that away from him?
But what right do I have to take it away from someone else?
Forty
‘Did you read it?’ Benji asks me the next morning. ‘The diary, I mean.’
‘Of course I read it. I was up until the early hours reading it.’
‘And what do you think?’
‘I think we should be talking about this somewhere no one else can hear us.’
