Page 88 of Secrets and Seashells at Rainbow Bay
‘Yeah, I hadn’t guessed at all. Perhaps I should have. I mean, the signs were definitely there . . . ’
‘What signs?’
‘Dorothy said you were very “clean looking”, for one.’ I wink at him.
‘Oh, did she?’
‘I think she said something along the lines of you were very polite, and knew your manners too. And thatof coursemeans you must be gay.’
‘Of course it does!’ Benji says, grinning now too. ‘No straight men are ever like that, are they?’ He rolls his eyes dramatically. ‘Ah, I’m so glad you’re all right about it. I’ve wanted to tell you for some time, because . . . well . . . ’ Benji looks incredibly embarrassed to even have to utter this next sentence. ‘I did wonder for a while if you might have . . . you might have feelings for me.’ His face goes bright pink and he looks down at one of the sofa cushions.
‘I did,’ I say quietly, putting my hand over his so he glances up at me. ‘And I still do. Deep feelings . . . as a friend!’ I finish when Benji starts to look worried again. ‘Averygood friend indeed.’
‘Ah, Amelia, the feeling is completely mutual,’ Benji says, leaning across the sofa so he can put his arm around me and give me a hug. ‘So now, what are we going to do about this money – or lack of it?’ he asks. ‘I wish I had some savings I could help you out with. I’ve got a little bit of money put aside from the advance on my book, but it’s not on the scale you’re talking about.’
‘That’s kind of you, Benji, but I couldn’t take your money.’ I sigh. ‘I really don’t know what I’m going to do. Try to get a bank loan, I guess. Once the gift shop and tea rooms are up and running we’re bound to be making a profit; surely they’ll take that into consideration?’
‘And if you can’t get a loan?’
‘If that doesn’t work, I might have to sell a few things from the castle. It’s a last resort, but what choice do I have?’
‘You’re starting to sound like Clara, having to sell off her valuables to pay her debts.’
‘I know, tell me about it. I thought I was done with debt when I moved here, but now it seems I’m going to be buried even further in it. I’m sorry I haven’t done anything more about finding Clara’s missing diary,’ I tell him, suddenly remembering, ‘but I’ve had all this going on in the last couple of days. Plus, Tom and I looked everywhere; even the bureau idea didn’t come to anything.’
‘It did, actually,’ Benji says. ‘When I mentioned it to Joey he knew exactly where it was.’
‘He did?’ I ask, sitting forward in anticipation. ‘Where was it?’
‘Only in his room!’ Benji says, smiling. ‘When I went to look at it with him, he had a mirror, a hairdryer and all his toiletries all over it. He was using it as a dressing table.’
‘Joey? I never thought he took all that much care over his appearance?’
‘Apparently so, but he is very definitelynotgay.’ Benji winks. ‘A straight man caring what he looks like, who would have thought it! Anyway, we checked all over it to see if we could find any secret drawers or compartments or anything, but there was nothing. So Joey knows about the diary now too.’
‘That’s okay, we can trust Joey. But another dead end – damn, it’s so frustrating.’
‘I know. Perhaps we’ll never find it.’
‘That would be such a shame. What do you think this big secret is – something to do with Clara’s sexuality?’
‘You figured that, then?’
‘It wasn’t exactly hard if you read between the lines.’
‘No, indeed. It must have been awfully difficult for her back then if she was gay, which I too think she was. It was bad enough when I came out, but back then it simply wasn’t acceptable – especially for a woman.’
‘I know, she couldn’t even choose to stay single and become a – what did they call women who didn’t marry back then – an old maid?’
Benji nods. ‘No, she was forced to live even more of a lie by having to find a husband so she could stay here.’ He shakes his head. ‘Mad, isn’t it?’
‘It seems so now, but I guess that’s just the way it was. We don’t know how lucky we are these days with everything so open and free.’
‘We really don’t. But to answer your question, no, I don’t think that’s what the secret is. What Clara has written, and subsequently hidden in that diary, she must have considered pretty scandalous, even more so than her sexuality. I’ve done enough of this kind of thing over the years to know that when an important piece of paperwork is missing, there’s always a reason for it, and in this case I think it could turn out to be a very important reason indeed.’
I sit in the Ladies’ Chamber on a pale green chaise longue, staring up at the painting of Clara once more.
This time I’m not looking for any clues as to where her missing diary might be. I’m simply hoping that by spending time with her, some inspiration might strike on how I’m going to solve my money worries.
