Page 98 of Secrets and Seashells at Rainbow Bay
‘I wondered that too, but apparently after speaking to Andrea and doing a bit of digging myself, it turns out my ex-husband now prefers men.’
Tom shakes his head; I can only assume it’s in disbelief at my sorry tale. ‘So that was the lie he was living – being gay in a straight marriage?’
I shrug. ‘I can only suppose so. Now do you understand why I don’t tell many people about this?’ I say, my own head dropping down to look at the shell still held firmly in my hand. As tightly as I’ve been gripping on to it, it still remains intact. No one is going to break its protective layer, a bit like no one has ever broken the one I’d put around myself and Charlie when Graham left.
‘Hey, don’t you dare think any of this is your fault,’ Tom says, tilting my head back up to face him again. ‘This isn’tanyone’sfault, let alone yours.’
‘I know. But I can’t help wondering if I’d done something differently . . . ’
‘No,’ Tom commands, his hand dropping away. He looks out across the sand towards the sea. ‘I can never condone what your ex-husband did to you and Charlie – the way he just left like that was unforgivable. But no one can, orshould, ever change their sexuality to suit another person.’
‘You sound like you know what you’re talking about.’
Tom looks down at his feet. ‘I guess it’s my turn to come clean,’ he says, kicking at the sand.
‘Oh my God, please don’t tell me you’re gay,’ I say, only half-jokingly. ‘First my husband, then Benji, not you as well. It must be me!’
Tom laughs. ‘No, I’m not gay. Couldn’t you tell by that kiss a few moments ago?’
‘Ah yes . . . ’ I agree as I remember Tom’s passionate embrace. ‘Very good point. You’re doing a pretty good job of masking it if you are.’
‘No, it’s not me that’s gay. It’s my brother – Joe.’
‘Joe, yes, I’d forgotten about him; the one I thought was Benji’s girlfriend!’
‘The very same. Joe was in a similar predicament to your husband. He wasn’t married or anything, but he was hiding his sexuality. Mainly from our father who disapproved of anything that wasn’t “normal”, as he put it. He thought we should each settle down with a suitable girl as soon as possible once we turned twenty, have 2.4 children, and a four-bedroomed house in Surrey. Preferably continuing in the family business too. But sadly for him it didn’t work out that way for either of us.’
‘What happened?’
‘Both Joe and I were doing exactly what Dad wanted to begin with. He’d trained us in the family firm – furniture restoration, as you know. But neither of us had settled down or wanted to. Joe because he was secretly gay, and me because,’ Tom looks slightly ashamed, ‘well, I was too busy playing the field.’
‘At least you’re honest about it.’
Tom shrugs. ‘I was young; I didn’t know any better. Anyway, I was always keen for Joe to come out to Mum and Dad, but he was scared; he couldn’t bear the thought of them disapproving of him. To cut a very long story short, when no prospective fiancées seemed to be appearing in Joe’s life, my parents stepped in and tried to set him up with a few girls. Joe went along with it, but obviously nothing ever came of it. Then when they tried it with the sister of a girl I’d been dating, I had to step in.’
‘What did you do?’
‘I told my girlfriend the truth and of course she told her sister. Her sister wasn’t the most discreet of people so word soon got out about Joe, and eventually it got back to my parents. They went ballistic.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘My father was furious – mainly about Joe’s sexuality – but my mother was just upset that neither of us had confided in her. I felt really sorry for her, actually; I always told Joe that Mum would be okay about it.’
‘What happened then?’
‘There were a lot of arguments at home, before the big one. My stupid, narrow-minded father gave Joe an ultimatum.’ Tom stops and shakes his head in disbelief. ‘Even now I can’t quite believe he said this; he told him either he stopped being gay or he moved out of the house, and the family would have nothing more to do with him.’
‘He didn’t? That’s awful.’
‘I know. You can imagine what Joe said. He packed his bags and left that night. I can still hear my mother sobbing all night in her bedroom. The next day Dad turned on me. He asked me why I’d never said anything, told me I should have been loyal to the family name, and the most ludicrous – I should have helped Joe to try harder at being straight.’
‘What?That’s madness.’
‘Tell me about it. So the next day I left too. I wanted to stay for my mother’s sake, but I couldn’t live in a house where that sort of bigotry was present. So I packed my things and left, and I’ve never been back.’
‘Do you have any contact with your family at all?’
‘Joe and I do, obviously. Mum only through birthday and Christmas cards now. But I bet Dad doesn’t know she’s sending or receiving them. I haven’t spoken to my father since the day I walked out.’
