Page 34 of Hope and Happiness in Bluebell Wood
‘I once had a parishioner who wouldn’t leave their house. Brought on a panic attack every time they even thought about it. It was very debilitating for them.’
‘That’s agoraphobia,’ I tell him knowingly. ‘Claustrophobia is a fear of enclosed and crowded spaces and, loosely, agoraphobia is a fear of leaving the safety of your own home. They can often overlap and are sometimes difficult to diagnose separately.’
‘You seem to know a lot about it,’ Callum says calmly, taking a sip of his drink.
I shrug.
‘You feel better now, though?’ he asks in the same quiet, composed way.
‘A little.’ I glance back towards the pub. The sound of too many voices and too much noisy chatter seems to ooze through the solid white walls – like they’re reaching out their many hands to try to suffocate me.
I jump forward.
‘You don’t have to go back in there yet if you don’t want to,’ Callum suggests. ‘In fact, you don’t have to go back in at all.’
I nod and take another sip of my water. ‘Won’t people be wondering where we are?’
Callum shrugs now. ‘Let them.’
I watch him calmly sipping on his pint.
‘You’re not much like a normal vicar, are you?’ I suddenly ask.
‘How do you mean?’
‘I mean, you don’t dress like one when you’re out of your . . . ’ I struggle for the right word. ‘You know, your fancy robes, your dog collar thing,’ I say, waving my hand across my neck.
Callum smiles. ‘I try not to be too normal. I like to challenge people’s view of the clergy.’
‘Why?’
‘Why not?’
‘Fair enough.’ I understood not wanting to share every detail of your life with a stranger. I couldn’t blame Callum for that.
‘I haven’t actually been a vicar all that long,’ Callum continues, ‘not for my age, anyway. I came to it quite late.’
‘Don’t you mean you didn’t get thecallinguntil quite late?’
‘Some people describe it like that.’
‘How do you describe it, then?’
‘Look, I don’t think the outside of the pub is the right place to discuss something so personal.’
‘Oh, right . . . sure.’
‘I mean, I’d like to talk to you about it – if you’re really interested, that is?’ Callum watches me, as if he’s checking my sincerity level.
His earnest gaze overpowers me for a moment. ‘Yes, I’m interested,’ I reply, almost in a whisper.
‘Good, good.’ He looks secretly delighted. ‘Perhaps we could arrange a time to meet up properly?’
Does he really mean a date this time?
I’m about to open my mouth when the pub door swings open.
‘Oh, this is where the two of you have got to,’ Jonah says, looking mildly irritated. ‘I was beginning to panic. We’re about to start.’
