Page 85 of Hope and Happiness in Bluebell Wood
‘Why did it make a difference when I became involved?’ I ask quietly. ‘I mean, I’m glad you’ve got the village a play park, but why did it change things?’
‘It just did,’ Callum says, looking like he wants to expand this time, but is choosing not to. He sighs. ‘None of it makes any difference now. The fact remains I haven’t been able to provide what this church or this village needs without resorting to underhand, desperate measures. I’m supposed to set an example, to uphold all that is good and pure, and instead I’m a failure yet again.’ His body slumps forward and his head drops into his hands.
I wonder what he means by ‘yet again’.
‘You’re not a failure,’ I hear myself saying. ‘Everyone loves you here – you know that. If I’ve heard one person say you’rethe best vicar they’ve ever had, I’ve heard twenty. Youhavemade a difference, Callum. You must know that. I don’t know much about being a priest, but I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be about how much money you can raise to repair a leaky roof or build a new village hall. It’s about making a difference to people’s spiritual lives, to give them comfort when they need it most, and a shoulder to cry on when no one else understands.’
Callum slowly sits up again and turns his head towards me.
‘Why are you so wonderful?’ he asks quietly.
I don’t know what to say.
‘I’m really not,’ I reply, totally thrown by his question.
‘I think you are. That’s what makes it so difficult.’
‘Makes what difficult?’
‘Resisting you.’
I swallow.This conversation was not supposed to be going this way.
‘Why do you have to resist me?’ I can’t help whispering back.
Callum’s eyes travel slowly over my face. ‘I just do.’
‘Is that why you ran off on Easter Sunday?’
Callum nods. ‘I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. But you . . . you overpower me. I lose all sense of what’s right.’
He wasn’t the only one who felt like that!
‘Have you taken some sort of oath?’ I ask. ‘Like a vow of chastity or something? Is that what it is?’
Callum smiles. ‘That’s generally the Catholic religion. No, this is nothing to do with my faith. Well,’ he hesitates, ‘it is a little, I suppose.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘A number of years ago I made a pact . . . with God.’
‘Isn’t that what vicars do?’
Callum shakes his head. ‘No, this was different. It was before I became a priest. I made a pact with him that if he did what I was asking, I would devote my whole life to serving him and nothing else would ever get in the way of that.’
‘What were you asking for?’
Callum looks at me. ‘I’m not sure I can say.’
‘That’s fine,’ I reply quickly. ‘You don’t have to. I understand.’ I stand up and look around for Merlin.
‘No!’ Callum yells, and I feel him grab my hand from behind so I have to turn around again. ‘No, Ava.Pleasedon’t go.’ He leaps up next to me. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘Tell me then,’ I say. Callum is so close to me that I can feel his warm breath on my cheek. I turn slowly towards him, our fingers still entwined.
Then before I know what’s happening, he pulls me towards him and kisses me softly on the mouth, and just as I was at the cottage, immediately I’m powerless to resist as I melt at his touch.
‘I thought you had to resist me,’ I manage to whisper in between his kisses, which are becoming more ardent by the second.
