Page 93 of A Secret Cornish Wish
I sheepishly went to my GP with my symptoms – thinking she’d tell me not to worry and it was a phase or something. But to my surprise, she prescribed antidepressant medication immediately. I didn’t think I was that bad, but my doctor seemed quite concerned and suggested many things to help, including therapy, but she was extremely keen for me to start on the medication immediately. Thinking she was being a little overdramatic, I put off taking it at first, thinking I might be able to shake it off if I tried. But after one particularly bad spell, when I couldn’t even get to work, and could barely look after Rosie when she came home from school, let alone myself, eventually I gave in and took the pills, and I was shocked by how different I felt after only a few days.
Colours suddenly seemed brighter, the world seemed a lighter, friendlier place and, for the first time since Rosie’s birth, I slept more than a few hours at a time. A dense fog, like the sea mists in St Felix that would settle over the waves and stay until the tide turned, lifted from both my brain and vision.
My own internal tide turned just after Rosie turned six years old. It took away the mist that was hanging over my life, and I’m happy to say so far it hasn’t returned since.
‘Yes, I’m fine now,’ I try to say as reassuringly as I can. ‘It’s under control, anyway. I was on medication for a while, but now my main therapy is painting. When I have the time and the room to do it, that is.’
‘Oh, Frankie, I’m cross you never told me, but I’m pleased you feel better now. That’s such a shame you had to give up your job though.’
‘Yeah, I just couldn’t do it any more. They were good to start with, they tried to make it work. But the stress was too much. People think working in an art gallery is a nice, relaxed job, but there’s a bit more that goes on behind the scenes.’
‘And you had to leave your nice apartment too?’
‘Yes, sadly. I just couldn’t afford it any more. But we’re happy where we are now. And the people are nice around us. There’s quite the community spirit in our block.’
‘You live in a tower block?’ Claire is trying to hide the fact she’s horrified at the thought. ‘Gosh, I’m sorry; that makes me sound quite snobby, doesn’t it?’
I smile. ‘It’s fine, Claire. I’d have probably done the same a few years ago.’
‘No, it’s not fine. I shouldn’t judge you. It could be a lovely place for all I know.’
‘It’s not, but thanks for trying.’
‘Oh, Frankie.’ Claire puts her hand over mine. ‘I’m sorry you’ve been through all that. Depression is a horrible thing. There are ladies who come to my group who are terribly depressed with the state of their lives. Some of them are on medication too.’
Claire eventually attended the support group that Marilyn, Mandy’s slightly odd relative, had suggested to her and, after a few years, when her life was back on track, Claire took over the running of it, which she still did voluntarily today.
‘Doesn’t surprise me. I’ve heard doctors deal out antidepressants like sweeties. But they helped me, so I can’t complain too much.’
‘It wouldn’t surprise me if some of the others have been on antidepressants too,’ Claire says. ‘Mandy went through all that with her sister, didn’t she? And Rob works in Hollywood – I bet drugs are as easy to get there as a Cornish pasty is to get here in St Felix.’
‘Probably. How is Rob? Have you heard from him lately?’
‘He’s OK, I think, I haven’t heard from him in a while, though, come to think of it. Have you seen his latest movie?’
I shake my head.
‘Have you seen any of his movies?’ Claire asks, almost reproachfully.
‘Not really my thing.’ I try to fob her off, along with, ‘I’ve been busy, Claire,’ when she raises her eyebrows at me.
‘For the last ten years?’ she asks.
‘OK, maybe I could have tried a bit harder to watch them,’ I say eventually.
‘Still in love with him?’ Claire asks bluntly.
‘No! Why would you say that?’
Claire shrugs. ‘I don’t know, what other reason would you have for avoiding seeing him, if you’re not still harbouring feelings for him?’
‘I can assure you it’s nothing like that,’ I say firmly. ‘Anyway, even if I was, there wouldn’t be much point, would there? Isn’t he getting married soon?’
‘You know about that?’ Claire grins. ‘I think that’s off now.’
‘Really? Why?’
‘Now that I don’t know. Could be any reason knowing Rob. He seems to get through them, doesn’t he?’
