Page 120 of The Little Flower Shop By the Sea
I nod. ‘Yes. That’s what the post-mortem found.’
‘Then you know it wasn’t your fault. It could have happened at any time.’
‘But if I hadn’t dragged him there, if we hadn’t been in the middle of a field, then the paramedics would have got to him quicker. They might have saved him.’
‘That’s an awful lot of mights and ifs,’ Jake says. ‘You don’t know that, Poppy, and beating yourself up over it isn’t going to bring him back. Believe me, I know: I tried long enough.’
‘So is that why you don’t like crowds and flowers?’ Amber asks. ‘It makes sense you wouldn’t, after what happened.’
‘You noticed?’ I ask. ‘I thought I’d hidden the flower thing quite well since I’ve been here.’
‘Of course I’ve noticed,’ Amber says supportively. ‘I was just waiting for you to tell me why.’
‘When I first returned to St Felix I hated flowers with a vengeance, and not just because of the rose petals at the gig, but because of all the flowers that were sent to our house afterwards in condolence, and then all the flowers that were at Will’s funeral. That used to be what I associated flowers with – death. It’s roses I have the most issues with, obviously; the rest I could just about hack, but roses…’ I shudder. ‘Just the sight or smell of a rose can make me feel nauseous; make me feel like I’m back in that field. All my therapists have tried to cure me of it, and all of them have failed.’
‘Is that why you ran away that day at my nursery?’ Jake asks. ‘Because you could smell the flowers?’
I nod. ‘I’m so sorry; I know you thought it was to do with you, but really it wasn’t. It was all those roses you said you had stored in there.’
Jake smiles a little. ‘That’s a relief. I was convinced it was me.’
‘For some reason I’ve been a lot better recently. It’s as if Daisy Chain and St Felix have helped to cure me. I can see now how happy they make people. In fact, how happy they’d started to make me feel – until last night.’
Amber nods. ‘Yes, it’s always amazed me that flowers can mean so many different things to so many people. One moment they’re in sympathy, the next celebration. What other living thing can represent so many different emotions?’
We all think about this for a moment.
‘So, tell us some more about Will,’ Jake says quietly, breaking into our thoughts. ‘You’ve mentioned therapy before. Did you go off the rails a bit after his death?’
‘Not a bit, a hell of a lot,’ I tell him. ‘I went from being an A-grade student who promised much, to…’ I smile. ‘I suppose you’d call me a juvenile delinquent. I was in trouble with the law, was sectioned for my own good, then when I’d got through that and they thought I was safe enough to be let out, there was a string of jobs, none of which I could hold down for long. I was the black sheep of the family. Whereas everyone else followed into the family business, I refused to follow tradition.’
‘That’s not always a bad thing,’ Jake says. ‘Sometimes I wish I’d done the same.’
I put my hand over Jake’s. I know he’s talking about his job with the animals.
Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, and we all look at each other in surprise.
‘It’ll probably be Woody, wondering how we all are this morning,’ Amber says as she jumps up to answer it.
‘Hi, Amber.’ I hear Ash’s voice at the open door, and I immediately pull my hand away from Jake’s. ‘Is Poppy in?’
Amber steps aside and Ash comes through the door looking fresh-faced, unlike the rest of us. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans, and his eyes immediately fall on me sitting at the table, and then they move very quickly to Jake.
‘Jake?’ He looks at him questioningly. ‘I didn’t think you’d be here at this time of the morning, and –’ he casts his eyes suspiciously over Jake’s attire – ‘still wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday.’
‘I think I’d better go, Poppy,’ Jake says, standing up. ‘I’ll go back to my house first, get freshened up, then I’ll contact the vet for you.’
‘Thanks, Jake,’ I say, looking up at him. ‘For everything.’
‘Any time.’ Jake leans down and kisses the top of my head. ‘I’ll be in touch later.’ He summons Miley, and heads for the door.
‘Ash,’ he says, acknowledging a bewildered-looking Ash as he passes. ‘Go easy, she’s had a tough night.’
Then he leaves, and my heart drops to my toes. Jake has been such a wonderful support over the last few hours that I don’t know how I’m going to face up to everything without him. I still couldn’t bear to look in the direction of Basil’s basket, and I had no idea how I was going to go about telling Ash I had to break up with him…
Ash waits for me in the kitchen while I get changed, and I hear Amber telling him about Basil.
When I return, Ash comes over and puts his arms around me. ‘Pops, I’m so sorry about Basil,’ he says. ‘I’ll miss the old fella, really I will. I’m also sorry for being so off with you at Jake’s party. I’ve been talking to Willow and she’s made me see what an idiot I was. Can you forgive me?’
