Page 122 of The Little Flower Shop By the Sea
Ash pulls himself to his feet and brushes the sand off his legs. ‘Not that it makes any difference now, Poppy,’ he says, looking down at me, ‘but it might interest you to know that while you onlylikedme, I was very much in love with you.’ As he gazes down at me still sitting on the sand, I’m sure I can see tears in his eyes.
‘Oh, Ash,’ I say, scrambling to my feet, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know. If I had I —’
‘You’d what?’ Ash looks at me with anguish in his eyes. ‘You wouldn’t have fallen in love with Jake? I don’t think so.’
I don’t know what to say; I try to put my hand on his arm, but he turns away from me.
‘See ya around, Poppy,’ he says, and he begins to walk off across the sand, his voice quivering as he speaks. ‘It was fun while it lasted.’
‘Ash!’ I call out to him, but either he doesn’t hear me or he chooses not to.
I look around the busy sand, and for a moment I long for the deserted beaches that I’d known when I first came back to St Felix, or a sudden shower of rain, so everyone would disappear indoors and I’d be left on my own for a while.
But I know that isn’t going to happen. St Felix is jam-packed with people on this sunny morning, and I can’t begrudge the town that joy. I need to think of somewhere else to go; somewhere I can be alone with my thoughts for a while…
And then I remember.
Keeping my head down and without speaking to anyone on the way, I head away from the beach, back across the town, and up to the cliffs. Then just like Charlie had shown me the day we’d opened Daisy Chain, I carefully climb down the grassy side of the cliff, find the stone steps, and descend to the little viewing area.
I sit and watch the gulls circling over the sea like we had that day; their graceful artistry as they swoop and dive for their food mesmerises me, yet at the same time allows me to put my thoughts into some sort of order as I sit there.
I’d never been able to come here with Basil when we’d been on our walks; it would have been too dangerous trying to get him down the narrow steps, poor old thing.
I manage a smile as I think about Basil. I’d tried to give him a happy last few months here on earth. We’d taken lots of walks together, which I was pretty sure Basil appreciated more than anything else, even his cheese. And he’d been great company for me, as I hope I’d been for him. I’d told Basil things I’d never told anyone before, and he’d just sat and listened to me without passing any more judgement than a twitch of his ear, or a lick of his tongue.
I’ll miss him more than anyone could know.
I’ll also miss Ash.
I never wanted to hurt Ash, I liked him a lot. He was great fun, and we’d had some good times over the summer, but I just didn’t feel the same way about him as I felt about Jake.
The last time I’d sat here on this ledge it had been with Jake. We’d sat here in the moonlight together during his birthday party. That was the first time I’d heard him say he had feelings for me.
But having feelings for someone didn’t mean you necessarily wanted to be in a relationship with them. I’d told him this morning I didn’t want to take Felicity’s place, but was Jake really ready to take the next step?
I think about all these things as I sit peacefully on the ledge, allowing the rhythmical sounds of the sea to wash over me as they had so many times since I’d returned to St Felix, calming my mind and soothing my soul.
Forty-three
Lily of the Valley – Return to Happiness
As I stand looking out over St Felix harbour, I feel something cold and wet nudging at my ankle, so I bend down to stroke it.
‘Hey, Bill,’ I say to the puppy at the end of a thin red lead. ‘Are you ready to go walkies again?’
A week or so after Basil’s death, Jake, Amber, Woody, Lou, Bronte, Charlie and I had walked up to the top of Pengarthen Hill where Basil and I used to take our daily walks together, to scatter his ashes over the cliffs into the bay.
We’d watched sadly as Basil was swept up by the strong wind that always blew on the cliffs, and was carried out to sea. Even little Miley was sombre and quiet as she watched, from the safety of Jake’s arms, her friend disappearing into the sunset.
It was a poignant day for many of us. Saying goodbye to Basil brought back all the pain of his death, and memories of goodbyes we’d said to loved ones before.
But after our impromptu ceremony, Lou had a surprise for me. We all walked back together to Lou’s house, where she told us she’d laid on a light supper.
Basil had been the last link between Lou and my grandmother, and his death had hit her hard. To comfort us both, we’d taken to walking the remaining two puppies from the litter – the others had all found new homes – up and over the cliffs every evening. They’d had all their inoculations and were excited to be allowed out; they didn’t have the stamina to go on the kind of long walks Basil and I used to do together, but they were a great comfort in my grieving process.
Yes, I’d been grieving for a dog. I would never have allowed myself to admit to that before, but Basil had been part of my St Felix family, and he was much missed.
‘I have an announcement to make,’ Lou called, as we stood in her kitchen enjoying soup and homemade bread. ‘I’ve finally found a home for the last puppy.’
