Page 55 of Right Place, Right Time
‘I pulled away the last timber I could safely without it all collapsing on him and I was trying to encourage himto crawl out through a gap I’d made, when suddenly there was a second explosion and he was sort of blown towards me. I remember grabbing him and shielding him in my arms like you would a child. We fell to the ground and everything went dark around us. The second explosion meant what little was left of the house had been blown out and now we were both trapped under the wreckage. I don’t know who or what was looking out for us that day, but this time a steel lintel from the house had fallen over both of us and was holding a hell of a lot of bricks and rubble inches away from our bodies. If the lintel had given way, that was it for us both.’
Adam’s breathing has become fast and shallow, so he stops to take in a few deep and calming breaths.
‘Are you all right?’ I ask. ‘You don’t have to continue if it’s too much.’
‘No, I need to tell you everything,’ he says resolutely. He takes a final deep breath. ‘As we’re lying stuck underneath the back of a house that is now on fire only metres away from us, not really knowing whether we were going to live or die, it dawned on me I might have saved a dog, but what I really should have done was try to save his owner. I thought if Kate was lucky, she might be in the same situation we were. Maybe she’d been protected in some way when the house caved in – but I knew if she wasn’t …’ He swallows hard. ‘Then she was in trouble. But there was nothing I could do; the dog and I were trapped, and we had no choice but to stay there and hope help came quickly, before anything further happened.’
‘How long were you there?’ I ask quietly. I hate interrupting his painful memories to ask questions, but I know if Adam is to let everything out, which he clearly wants and needs to do, then I may have to prompt him occasionally.
‘Just over four hours. The rescue services turned up quickly, but it felt like for ever before I heard anything other than the scream of neighbours witnessing what was happening and the crackle of the flames from the house. The smell was rancid too.’
‘You mentioned a smell before – was it a gas explosion?’
‘Yeah, the smell was like rotten eggs. I should have realised, maybe if I had …’ He shakes his head. ‘Anyway, they got the fire under control first and once they’d got the right equipment to lift all the debris off us, they began what felt like an incredibly slow process to get us out.’
‘You must have been really scared.’
‘Yeah, it was pretty horrendous. Not so bad once people came, and they said everything was under control and we’d be fine. But in those minutes before anyone turned up, it was just me and Lucky – that’s what I called him, the dog. His name was actually Loki, but Lucky seemed more appropriate. I adopted him afterwards, when Kate’s family couldn’t look after him. Lucky lived with me for another five years before his luck finally ran out.’
Adam looks down at the ground again.
‘There was photo of a hairy black dog in your flat,’ I say. ‘With the others on the mantelpiece. Was that him?’
Adam nods. ‘Yes, that’s Lucky. Great dog, he was. We had many good times together. He pretty much saved me when we were trapped together. Having him to focus on got me through it, when otherwise I think I’d have gone to pieces.’
‘It sounds like you both saved each other.’
Adam smiles. ‘Yes, I suppose so. Not only that day, but in the weeks and months afterwards too; we were everything to each other.’
I remove my hand from his arm and take hold of his hand instead.
Adam doesn’t look surprised this time; he only looks grateful again for this simple, but meaningful gesture.
‘Kate didn’t survive the blast,’ he says quietly.
‘No.’
‘The impact of both the first explosion and the top floor of the house collapsing killed her immediately. They tried to tell me she wouldn’t have suffered; it would have all been really quick. But how could they have known that?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘No one knows, do they? Not really. It took ages for the investigation to take place into what caused the gas leak. There had been some works on the gas mains further down the road a few days previously – I found that out afterwards. The final report said the gas board was at fault and they had to pay out compensation to all the residents in the street that were affected. They tried to give me some. To begin with, I refused, I didn’t think I deserved it. But then I decided to donate it to a charity that looks after animals when their owners die and they have no one to take care of them.’
‘Why didn’t you think you deserved it?’
Adam looks at me as though I should know this. ‘Really?’ he asks.
‘Yes, tell me.’
‘Kate wouldn’t have been downstairs turning the kettle on if it hadn’t been for me. That’s what triggered the first explosion, they told us afterwards – the simple act of flicking an electrical switch on a kettle. If I hadn’t gone out for a cigarette, I would have done it and she would have been upstairs.’
‘Adam, you must know you can’t blame yourself.’
‘That’s what my therapists told me – all of them. And my friends. “It isn’t your fault. You mustn’t blameyourself. You weren’t to know. It was the gas company’s fault.” I heard it all over and over again. Until I stopped listening. I dropped out of the band and I withdrew myself from everyone, so it was just me and Lucky. He didn’t tell me it wasn’t my fault. We both knew what had happened. We both knew what we’d been through. We were the only ones who understood each other. And then eventually he left me, just like all the others had before him. The only living creature who understood. The only one who would listen unconditionally.’
I squeeze Adam’s hand. I want to tell him so much more right now. That I understand. That I get that level of trauma. That I know how it feels to have your whole world flipped upside down in an instant and when it lands again, nothing is ever the same.
‘Was it the blast that affected your hearing?’ I ask instead of saying all those other things, as I notice Adam absent-mindedly rubbing at his right ear.
