Page 25 of Private Tutoring
“What’s this really about?” Matthew sat forward, bracing his elbows on his knees.
I ran a hand through my hair, my nails scraping my scalp hard enough to sting. I did it again, using the flashes of pain to ground my thoughts. “I shouldn’t be having sex. Not with Harmony. Not with anyone.”
The vows I’d made to my wife remained valid. Even in death, I owed her my loyalty and utmost dedication. No one could take her place. She’d been the love of my life. My one and only.
Fucking Harmony relieved the ache in my body, but not the one in my heart.
“Why?” Roberto sat on the edge of the desk with one leg pulled up so his foot dangled over the corner. Confusion knitted his bushy brows together. He gripped his calf and brought his leg higher onto the desk.
“I’m a widower.” Wasn’t that a good enough reason? Aside from that, Harmony was our student. We had a responsibility to protect her, even if that meant protecting her from us. “I shouldn’t have feelings for anyone else.”
“Ah.” Roberto sipped his water, his expression carefully blank. “You feel guilty.”
“Yes.” Good. Now that they understood, we could move past this. My chest ached, and I rubbed at the throbbing pain over my heart.
“I’m about to piss you off, but I hope you’ll understand I say this with all the love I can muster.” Matthew remained seated, but there was a threat to the words that I almost couldn’t comprehend. “Your wife died. Your baby girl died. You didn’t.”
My body went stiff. He didn’t understand. His fiancée left him, breaking his heart, but there was a difference in our losses. I saw my wife in my mind, the joyous way she’d smiled when she told me about the pregnancy. The image slipped forward several months, to the sight of her in the hospital bed. Cold. Lifeless. Our baby girl in her embrace. The doctors had explained everything to me, but I hadn’t heard a word. That came later. When the ringing in my ears ceased and the first wave of denial turned into anger, I demanded an explanation.
They’d walked me through it again, and again. Through a pain so unbearable I’d gotten lost in the abyss, I’d understood the truth. My wife and baby girl were gone for good. I’d sworn then and there to never love anyone else. I would not survive a loss like that again.
“That’s the point.” My fist met Roberto’s desk with a resounding thud that rattled up my arm. I clenched my hand tighter and slammed it down a second time. “My wife is dead. The love of my life. I swore to love her forever.”
Matthew’s jaw locked. He stood but didn’t move closer. “And you will.” He met my gaze, his unflinching. “It does not make you disloyal by having feelings for Harmony.”
“How can you say that? She’s our student.” I pounded my fist onto the desk again. It didn’t help the riot of emotions, but the pain helped ground me. I focused on that and not the way I craved the feel of Harmony wrapped around me.
Every breath of sex-soaked air brought her back to me.
“I agree that it’s not ideal.” Roberto put a hand on Matthew’s shoulder, gently guiding him toward the chair.
Matthew sat on the arm of the chair. Tension corded his wiry frame, and I was reminded of how gently he’d treated Harmony. There was more to this situation than simply sex. We never did anything halfway. For all of us to fall like this was unheard of.
“She’s legal.” Matthew stated it with cold clarification. “Even if that doesn’t make it right by the school’s code and policy, Harmony wanted us.” His eyes glazed, and I wondered if he was remembering Harmony and the hours we’d spent pleasing her.
I certainly was.
“He’s right. Harmony was genuinely interested in us.” Roberto nudged me back a step when I moved toward Matthew. Whatever he saw in my expression caused his face to cloud over. “She would want you to be happy, Stephen.”
“Don’t.” I held up a hand to ward off the words. I didn’t want to hear them, didn’t deserve to even think them.
“You don’t have to punish yourself, Stephen.” Matthew stood again. “If taking it back to our college days and sharing a woman is what it takes, then I’m all for it.”
“Agreed. This may be exactly what you need to get you out of your rut.” Roberto pointed at me, then at Matthew. “And you.”
“Me?” Matthew thumbed his chest, his brows arched. “What about me?”
“You’ve been moping around since your fiancée broke off your engagement. Coming home at night is like walking into a tomb.” He caught the way I flinched and grimaced. “Sorry. Poor choice of words. But you understand my meaning. I opened my home to you both, and I’m glad to have the company.”
“But we’re dragging you down, is that it?” Matthew turned his righteous indignation on Roberto. “Are we destroying your play time? You can’t bring a new woman home every night because of your two sad roommates?”
“Enough.” Roberto slashed his hands through the air. His face twisted into a look I recognized. He’d reached his limit, and we were about to see the Roberto who held our entire fucking group together. “You’re acting like assholes. Both of you.” He jammed a finger into my chest, then Matthew’s. “You’re hurting. I get it. You lost women you love. I’m not saying you can replace either of them.” He scowled at Matthew. “You were the one who said Harmony might help Stephen. Same goes for you.”
“Yeah? What about that pesky little rule that says we could all lose our fuckingjobsif anyone finds out?” I crossed my arms to keep from hitting the desk again. Losing control didn’t help our situation, even if the pain made me feel better.
Roberto’s small office closed in with a claustrophobic shrinking that tightened my grip on my arms.
“I’m prepared to take that risk.” Roberto stood with his hands loose by his sides. A tiny smile raised one side of his mouth. “Do you really regret what happened tonight, or are you running on guilt?”
