Page 274 of Conveniently Wed
But before she could persuade herself to do so, he emerged, carrying a mug of tea for each of them. She thanked him.
Later, she would sort out this mess in her head. Put a stop to her wayward thoughts before she got herself in so deep, she couldn’t get out.
Except, did she want out?
And why did her thoughts hanker back to her father? Bruce wasn’t anything like him. He had stayed in Kansas with his aunt, leaving only because of threats to her.
If it wasn’t the specter of him leaving that unsettled her, what was it? Why did this nameless fear circle her brain, making her want to keep their relationship strictly business even though her heart argued it wasn’t what she wanted?
What did she want? If only she knew.
13
It was Sunday, and out of respect for the Lord’s Day, Bruce did not hitch Brute to the plow. He did the necessary chores and then went to the house. Stella had made breakfast and cleaned up and now sat outside with Aunt Mary. The children played nearby with Tippy and Mitten. Mama cat lay close to the children, purring.
“Mind if I join you?” he asked the ladies.
Stella patted the log at her side. Where they sat every evening. Last night, she had seemed unusually quiet, and he hadn’t been able to discover the reason. He’d gone over everything he’d said and done and could see nothing that would have made her withdraw as she had. He’d finally put it down to wishing she could attend church.
“Are you missing town? The Kinsleys? Church?”
She shrugged. “I would enjoy going to church, but only when we can go together.”
Aunt Mary patted her splinted leg. “I’m feeling better every day. Perhaps by next Sunday I’ll be able to contemplate a ride to town in that bumpy wagon.”
“No need to rush it.” Stella sounded content enough, so perhaps he’d only imagined a strangeness between them last night.
The morning passed slowly. “Let’s have a look around,” Bruce said when he could take no more of sitting and making idle conversation.
“Sure.” The way she jumped up, he guessed she was as restless as he.
They walked past the garden, past the corrals where the horses whinnied to them, and past the pasture. The children followed. They reached the end of the lane where it joined the road, and they stopped.
“Someday, I’ll ride west and see what is over that direction. Maybe you’ll come with me.”
“I’d like that. But we’ll have to wait until Aunt Mary is better.”
Or maybe he’d ask Flora if she’d come by and stay at the house so he and Stella could go somewhere on their own. The idea rooted firmly. But when would he get a chance?
Lord, I’d like to do this. Could you please send Flora to visit?
He grinned to himself as he thought of how Aunt Mary reminded him over and over of answered prayers. Never before though had he felt the right to ask on his own behalf. “I just realized something.” The words burst from him, but he didn’t regret it. He’d learned that he enjoyed sharing his thoughts with Stella and appreciated her attention and responses.
“What’s that?” She indicated they should sit on the grass while they talked, and the children played.
“Aunt Mary has taught me the value of prayer and yet, until today, I have never asked for something for myself. I suppose I thought it selfish to do so.”
“Or maybe…” She tipped her head to study him, her gentle smile like a balm to his soul. “Could it be you didn’t think you were worthy?” Her gaze offered kindness, not judgment.
He drank of what she offered. And realized how thirsty he was for it. “I think you are right.”
“So, what’s changed? Why do you now ask for yourself? And what, if I may ask, did you pray for that seemed selfish?”
What had changed? He knew without giving it a second thought. He touched his fingertips to her cheek. “Because of you I have changed.”
Her eyes darkened. Creases fanned out from her eyes. “I don’t understand.”
“Nor do I.” Was it an answer to Aunt Mary’s prayer for them to fall in love? Would he object to it happening? No, but whatever was developing between them he wanted to be wholly from their hearts. A thought slowly rooted. Being married to Stella, being father to her children, helping run her farm, had given him purpose and satisfaction he had never before known. For the first time, he felt like he belonged. Like he had real value. That he was needed. He tried to think how to put the thoughts into words.
