Page 451 of Conveniently Wed
He remained silent, so she stopped directly in front of him. “I did question what love was, and I did tell Colby that IthoughtI had loved Charles. I told him our marriage had been arranged without thought or consideration for my feelings. That part you heard. None of that was a secret. The whole family knew it. The whole ranch. The whole town, maybe.”
She could barely hold in her anger, but she forced herself to speak coherent sentences. “And I told Colby that I felt bought and paid forat the beginning. And then, I shared how many of my perceptions had changed from our wedding day. I told him how kind, gentle, and loving you had been, how you were teaching me what love was by loving me so well. I admitted I had a problem opening up because of the way my ma treated me, but how I trusted you with information I couldn’t tell another soul.”
Josiah’s head dropped into his hands, and he let out a groan.
She grabbed his wrists and pulled them away. “I’m done with you shutting me out. You need to hear this.” She pulled in heavybreaths to still her anger as she waited for him to lift his eyes. A haunted look burned from his blue-grays.
“Do you know what Colby said? He said I was most definitely in love. He told me the way my eyes lit up when you walked in the room was practically worship.” She dropped his hands and straightened.
There. Now, he knew everything. And the telling had leached not only her anger, but every bit of strength in her. “That’s what you missed when you decided to shut me out—melovingyou. Not loving an old memory of Charles. Not Colby. You.”
His gaze held a question that made her chest ache.
“Don’t believe me? Ask Colby. Go now, before you think I have time to collaborate the story with him, since I know how little you trust me.” That last bit was a barb, but she couldn’t help it.
She spun from him and strode across the room, wrenching open the adjoining door. With her hand still on the doorknob, she turned. “And if you think I’ll allow our marriage to be annulled, you can think again. We made love. Heart wrenching, soul shaking love, and no one, not even you, can cheapen or take that from me. My biggest regret is that I never had a baby, your baby, to hold in my arms. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have spent time with Colby, and you wouldn’t have given up on me so easily. And, in case you’re not sure, that was all I did with Colby. Spend time. Talk. Share my hurts, the hurtsyouinflicted.”
He jumped from the bed. “You expect me to believe that?” As he marched toward her, the veins in his neck bulged like a bullfrog. “I saw you two in the garden, a romantic interlude in the moonlight. I wasn’t born yesterday.”
In the garden.She thought back, knew the night…
“That night I was waiting for you in your room. I was going to demand the truth. But instead, fool that I am, I longed for one last memory before I filed for the annulment papers.”
She dropped her jaw. “Memory? That was way more than a memory. That night…” She swiped her hands over her eyes to rid them of the tears. “That night, for a moment, I believed in a God of miracles. One that had been proud of the way I had run from Colby only minutes before. I wanted to give our marriage a second chance. When you came to me, I thought you felt the same. It wasn’t until you took what you wanted and left me alone, tossing unkind words my way, that I realized we had no hope.”
A shadow passed across his face. “What about your pa telling me to talk to you about what he witnessed in the barn. I didn’t bother to ask because I don’t care to know.”
A shimmer of tears threatened to blink free. “Colby and I have been close friends. Too close. I will not lie about that. I was wrong to turn to him when I was hurt and vulnerable. He came to me that night in the barn at your suggestion. However, we never…”
His brows raised.
She threw up her hands. “Believe whatever you want. I can’t stop you.”
He took a step closer. She waved him away.
“If you want to divorce me, then go ahead. I will face what I am, a divorcée. All I ask is that you hold true to your word concerning my family. I want nothing more from you.”
Then she turned and slammed the door between them. For the first time ever, she turned the key in the lock and flung her body across the bed. One thought kept cutting through the pain. If only he had talked, yelled, and screamed all those months ago. If only he’d done something other than turn cold.
26
Katie couldn’t bring herself to leave her room, no matter how many days passed. Even with Delilah and Ruby’s coaxing, she had little will to do anything or even to eat. She didn’t care that her body was shrinking before her eyes or that despondency and numbness had become her best friends. She couldn’t summon interest in the usual running of the household, a place she no longer considered home. She lay on her bed or stood listlessly, gazing out the window.
The one thing she did long to do was get on her horse and ride, yet she couldn’t take the risk of running into Colby. If he encouraged her at all in her weakened state, she wouldn’t be able to resist his warmth, his friendship, his arms.
A slow burn developed the first week and blossomed into a full rage. If Josiah had loved her as he claimed, why had he not fought for her? Why had he believed the worst?
The second week, despondency set in. By the third week, the full bottle of laudanum she had snuck into her room called her name. She was ready to give in to anything that could stop the pain.
If truth be told, she was confused. Very confused. Colby offered a soft landing, an easy friendship, an obvious attraction.But Josiah had been the one who restored her faith in men, who had taken her in and shown her true patience and love. She longed for that man back, the man before the jealousy. They had something she could not easily shake.
But there was no hope. Josiah had thrown her away like a worn-out dish rag. And Colby was there, willing to give up his dream of this horse ranch to be with her. Yet she feared someday, if she allowed that, he’d resent her. For the sake of both Josiah and Colby, she would not be the one to break up the partnership.
Josiah had to try one more time. The whole household was in a dither because Katherine was not opening her door to anyone. He knocked on the door adjoining their two rooms.
“Come on, Katherine. I know you can hear me. Open up. Everyone is worried.”
“I can hear you just fine. Go away.”
