Page 88 of Conveniently Wed
She stepped out of the wagon into the waist-high grasses, intent on finding whoever was out here and making them take her to see Edgar.
“I know you’re there! Matty!”
Grasses rustled, and for a moment she was frozen with fear. What if she’d gotten it wrong and it was one of Underhill’s men?
“It’s me.”
Edgar came out of the darkness, the moon’s weak light falling on his broad shoulders and illuminating his Stetson, leaving his face in shadow.
“Oh. Good.”
He looked ominous in the moonlight, tall and unapproachable. “What’s the matter?”
She swallowed the lump of fear and emotion that seemed lodged in her throat. “I need to talk to you.”
“You should get back in the wagon. Get some rest.”
Unspoken, his message was that she could talk, but he wouldn’t listen.
He took her elbow in a very impersonal way and turned her back toward the wagon, but she dug in her heels. They were only feet away, she didn’t want Emma to overhear everything that was said.
“Do you really think I’ll be able to sleep?” she asked.
He let go of her elbow and moved back a step. Distancing himself from her.
“There are others around, keeping a lookout over you and Emma.” His voice was cold, distant.
As if he’d already cut himself off from all emotion concerning her.
Tears burned the back of her throat.
“Not because of that,” she said, and had to clear her throat to try and dislodge the tears.
“You said, more than once, that I’ve turned your life upside-down. Did you never stop to think that maybe God put me on that train in Wyoming, for just that reason? It wasn’t a coincidence that we met and married?—”
“That was a mistake.” He’d gone tense, muscles taut. Closed off to her.
“No it wasn’t,” she breathed, tears now blurring her vision.
“It should never have happened. I should’ve found some other way to fix things back in Bear Creek.”
She shook her head, held on to her middle with both arms. She took a shaky breath, and she knew he heard it because he shifted his feet as if he were uncomfortable.
She wished she could see his face, so she could better tell if he was just pushing her away or if he really had completely shut off his emotions.
“I never lied to you.” She said the words as softly and levelly as she could. “Underhill is the one lying about me.”
He didn’t answer, staying distant in the dark.
“You can say what you want, but I know what really happened,” she said. “I got too close, didn’t I? You’ve kept yourself isolated out here on the ranch. You claim to want independence, but I think you’ve really been hiding all these years.”
He flinched as if she’d struck him.
She went on. “You were so hurt by what happened in your childhood that you didn’t want to let anyone come close again, so you made excuses. You claimed not to trust women, claimed you never wanted to marry… All because you were afraid of falling in love.”
“What—”
She interrupted him this time, pushing on his chest with the force of her emotion.
