Page 43 of A Steadfast Heart
Maybe if she didn’t watch him? She grabbed a dishrag to wipe the counter that didn’t need wiping.
“I was just thinking that you must have had a lot of friends back in St. Louis.” He placed the basket back on the preparation table, avoiding her gaze. “I know it can get lonely out here. I’ll just, um, get some wood for tomorrow.” He stepped into the lean-to.
Kaitlyn ran the damp rag across the smooth counter. She was still missing something. Drew came back in, arms loaded with wood. Goodness, his shoulders nearly filled the doorway.
She plied her dishrag on the already clean table, much as she would have liked to look into his eyes. “Turns out I didn’t have many friends in St. Louis. Not ones strong enough to ignore my brother’s lies. I’d like to make stronger friendships in this community.” She glanced up and took in his still-tense jaw. “There’s something more to this, isn’t there?”
“Amanda hated it here.”
“I know.” She pulled out a chair, its legs rumbling over the wooden floor. She sat down. Now if only Drew would join her. “Can you explain how Amanda comes into this?”
Drew sank into a chair across from her and eyed the table as if it held the answers to all his questions. The silence lengthened, but Kaitlyn didn’t interrupt it. He seemed the type who needed to gather his thoughts before he shared them. And he’d seldom talked about his first wife.
Finally, he looked up, met her eyes. “Nothing on the ranch was good enough for Amanda. Not the food, not the clothes, not the…company.”
Kaitlyn squeezed her hands together, forcing herself to remain silent. How could that stupid woman not have valued a man who put her needs first, gave her the best of what he had? How could she have treated a good man so badly that he questioned his own worth?
“It’s lonely for a woman out here.” Drew gave her a half smile. “I get that.”
“And you thought I was desperate for friendships off the ranch.”
He nodded. “Amanda was desperate enough to run off with a man that didn’t have a penny to his name, just because he was willing to live with her in the city. Just to get away from me. The mistake she made by marrying me.”
Kaitlyn folded her hands in front of her. “I’m not Amanda,” she said quietly.
“I know that.”
A long look passed between them, and the silence lengthened.
“Did you like it back east?” she asked finally.
She thought he’d ignore the question, but he finally said, “I understood its appeal, the convenience of shops nearby, friends nearby, but it wasn’t home. I belong out here, where there’s freedom to move and breathe.”
“I can’t see you being happy there.” She paused, trying to find words for the differences she felt more than saw. “I don’t miss my so-called friends who judged my family based on whether we wore the latest fashion and missed the fact that my father and brother never took care of me. You always put your children first.”
“Life’s hard out here though. Especially for a woman. Even my mother.”
“I thought she loved it here.”
“She loved my pa.” His eyes went a bit unfocused, or maybe focused on the past. “She used to ride out on the range with him sometimes, and boy could she ride. Put us all to shame.”
Kaitlyn’s brow furrowed. “I can’t imagine anyone riding better than you.”
“She could.”
His jaw clenched and his hands tightened into fists, his forearms corded below his turned-up sleeves.
Kaitlyn’s heart turned over. She reached across the table and laid a hand on his sleeve.
His forearm relaxed under her touch. “I was back east when it happened.”
She nodded and let her hand move over his sleeve, the fabric rough beneath her fingers.
“Pa got thrown from a horse and landed wrong.” He shuddered. “His leg never healed right. They didn’t tell me for a long time, but finally Ma sent me a telegram asking me to come back to the ranch. I didn’t make it in time to say goodbye.”
Kaitlyn’s eyes grew moist, but she rapidly blinked back the tears. The last thing Drew needed was her crying all over him again. She tightened her grip on his forearm. At least he could know she heard him.
“When I got home, I didn’t even recognize Ma. I never saw her go to the stables, much less ride across the homestead. Her smiles were gone. She didn’t say much, didn’t eat much…” He swallowed, his throat working against the emotion flooding him. “She just gave up. Much as I tried, I couldn’t make her happy. She should have survived that cold, but it went to pneumonia, and she gave up.”
