Page 106 of The Hookup
She sniffed. “Have you been sick?”
Fuck. She could smell it on him. He took a few more steps back. “It’s a side effect.”
“You don’t look well at all.” She set down her work bag, and took off her jacket.
“I don’t think this is a good idea, Kay.” Seeing him when he didn’t feel so great was one thing, but seeing him when he didn’t feel so greatandlookedandsmelled like crap was too much even for him. He hated that she was seeing him at his worst, and even though she seemed to brush it off, as if it didn’t matter, it mattered to him. It made him wonder if he would have done this for her had the tables have been turned.
“I’m going to take you up on that offer,” she said, taking out her laptop and setting it on the table.
“What offer?”
“To use your Wi-Fi.”
“You’re working tonight?”
“I have some things to finish off by tomorrow.”
“I’m going to shower up and go to bed. Sorry, I’m not going to be good company.”
“Go ahead,” she said. “You might feel better after it. I’ve got some things I need to look through.”
“I don’t want to get in the way of your work. I know you’re under a lot of pressure.”
“You won’t get in the way if you go to bed,” she replied, giving him a solution he wasn’t keen on. He couldn’t go to bed knowing she was here, in his living room. Hedidn’twant to go to bed. He wanted to talk to her, wanted to get back what they’d had before. Wanted to make some in-roads at least. It begged the question why she was here anyway, when she could just as easily have gone home.
Unless she wanted to be here. Unless she was holding back. Unless she had realized that they could build on something, after all.
“Don’t worry about me. It’s fine. I’ve got this.”
She was the real deal. The whole entire, beautiful package, and he’d been blind the whole time. He didn’t leave straightaway, couldn’t help but look over at her and be thankful that he had met her.
“What?” she asked, looking up and catching him staring at her.
He’d missed her, and with all this goddamn time on his hands, he’d had more time to think about things. “Thanks for coming. It’s been weird, being in isolation.”
“Even for you?” she asked, “The man who doesn’t need anyone?”
He ground his teeth together, smarting at the reminder. “It’s my experience that people always let you down, but you never have, even when I’ve been a total jerk to you.”
“Don’t go getting all sentimental on me now,” she said, throwing her hands up in the air and making light of the situation. It didn’t matter that the doctor told him he’d be cured, and be able to continue with his life, he couldn’t help but think about mortality, and things going wrong. The cancer spreading, or coming back, of his life changing.
It had been a sobering few days of reflection, but in between the darkness had been the one thought: he was still alive, and even though this vile, deathly, malignant thing had been growing inside him, he had overcome it. He was still walking through that dark tunnel, but he was going to make it. He was going to come out the other end. And he had plans for how things were going to change. Plans to be done with the things that he had held on to for too long—things that had damaged his twenty-something year old self.
He had flipped it around, and in his own twisted way had come to see his cancer as a gift. A wake up call. Something which had sobered him up and forced him to look at life without the shackles of his past.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about things.”
But she was shaking her head. “Not now, Luke. I’ve got an urgent report to look at.”
He nodded. She was punishing him for all the times he’d made her feel like dirt. “I think I’m one of the luckiest guys alive.”
She didn’t smile, but let out a deep breath, as if she was waiting for him to leave.
~ ~
It dawned on her that she had what she had wanted all along, for Luke to need her.
But things had changed, and he could no more unsay what he had said to her, than she could forget.
