Page 139 of The Hookup
She stepped back, determined not to feel anything, trying to turn a blind eye to the soft tone of his voice. This man had cost her her self-esteem, her career, her project. All for nothing. This man whom she had thought once upon a time she could tame, had now come to her looking fully tamed. For all his pain, and messed up past, she had seen shimmers, and glimmers of hope, of the type of man he could be, but she had been hurt too many times, and this time she wasn’t going to back down.
She wanted more. She didn’t want a hookup. It had taken a while, and cost her more pain than she had envisaged, but she didn’t need the sex, or the intimacy or the attention. What she craved all along was to have someone to care about, and to have that person care about her.
With Luke, it always felt as if she was the one doing all the caring. As if she was the only one hurting, and loving, and having feelings.
“I would rather we stayed friends,” she said, ignoring the way her heart was starting to thump inside her rib cage. It was nerves, and the shock, that was all.
“Friends? Of course. I hope we’ll always stay friends.” But the words didn’t line up with the way his jaw clenched.
She needed to make sure he understood her, that there was no miscommunication. The man had flown out here for a reason, and she wasn’t going to let him charm her panties off her this time. “That arrangement,” she said, looking around and lowering her voice, “It wasn’t the first friends-with-benefits-hookup I’ve had. You weren’t my first.”
That seemed to piss him off. “Okay,” he said, the muscle on the other side of his jaw twitching.
She wasn’t exactly telling the truth, either. He might not have been her first tawdry little secret, but he’d been the first man she had wanted something with. The others had been mere stones along the pathway, but Luke had been final destination. There had been times when she had believed that she could fix him, heal him, be his salvation—after all, what woman didn’t want to bethe onefor her man? For all his pain, and messed up past, she had seen shimmers, and glimmers of hope, of the type of man he could be, but she had been hurt too many times, and this time she wasn’t going to back down.
“But you were my first.”
That stumped her. That swarm of butterflies in her stomach suddenly started to spin around like crazy. “Your first what?” she whispered, while her heart thump-thumped with abandon.
“The first woman to reach inside,” his fisted hand knocked against his chest. Maybe it was his heart. But that wasn’t a Luke move. Was he really knocking on his heart?
“Friends,” she said, the word absurd, and deflecting from the moment. She couldn’t go there, back into that hothouse of complications and misery and bliss—the rollercoaster of being involved with Luke again. He was obviously trying to reel her in again, and she refused to give in.
“Friends, always,” he said, in that honeyed, husky voice of his.
Holy freaking shit.
Chapter 48
They talked for hours into the night. Even the staff had long retired by then. He’d gone inside and brought out a blanket, then laid it out for them to sit on over by the sand, with the sea a few yards away.
He’d moved the conversation away to other things—safe topics, about her new job, and her plans for the rest of her vacation—because clearly, talking about things between them only resulted in Kay putting up her barriers again.
It worked.
Her frostiness had slowly melted away. But he hadn’t come here with any indecent intentions. He wanted the real deal because she was the real deal. He had realized it in a roundabout way, via cancer, and much soul-searching, and losing her, but he liked to think it still wasn’t too late. He’d been prepared for her to tell him to get lost, to go to hell, but she hadn’t.
“We should go to bed,” he said, grateful that they’d had talked. She’d sat on one end of the blanket, and he’d respected her personal space, and sat at the other. This wasn’t going to be a continuation of what they had before, if she wanted, if and when she was ready, this could be a new start.
“Go to bed?” she asked, giving him an odd look.
“Not…notthat.Just…sleep…in separate beds, in separate rooms.”
“Obviously. Where’s your room?” she asked, as they started to walk towards the main villa.
“Right down the other end of the corridor. I specifically requested it.”
“That was wise.”
“Tell me about it,” he agreed.
“Well, goodnight,” she said, as they came to a stop outside her room.
“Good night, Kay.” He stifled a yawn. “I’m tired, sorry.”
She nodded. “It’s a long flight. The jet lag takes a while to wear off.”
“I rested up before we went snorkeling. And then I spent a few hours taking care of the twins, before dinner.”
