Page 106 of Tomorrow Belongs to Us
I stare at this woman, and I feel so sorry for my daughter for having a mother such as her. All of a sudden it comes back. My feelings of bitterness. Being trapped and powerless. Frustrated and angry.
Is this my life? It will be, if I don't do as Vivian says; if I don't toe the line, this is how she’ll keep her hooks in me. Threatening me with over drinking, overdosing, not caring about the effect it has on our daughter, as long as she can have me come running back to her.
“You should try to get some rest.” I don't want to listen to her anymore. I can see right through her selfish attention seeking drama. It’s cruel of me to think like this, but it’s the truth. I know Vivian. I’m fully aware of what she’s capable of. All I want is for her to get well and be a good mother to Cassie.
“Stay with me. Please. I don’t want to be alone.” She looks pale, and her gaunt eyes burn into me, stabbing me with guilt. She’s so good at this. I suppress my weary breath and nod. Her parents aren’t here, and she has no one else. The pool boy and her other lovers don’t care. Liaisons such as those don’t have longevity, or loyalty, or love.
But I hate this, being reeled into doing something I don’t want to. I don’t want to spend the night here. I want to be with Cassie, and I’m only here out of pity.
Vivian seems appeased and closes her eyes, leaving me to sit and wonder what Megan is doing. I’m covered in guilt for ruining her evening yet again.
My thoughts float away, and even though I'm sitting by my ex-wife's side, it's Cassie who is on my mind, and Megan. I worry about my daughter. We didn’t want to disrupt her world, but this has punctured an irreparable hole in the fabric of her existence.
Half an hour passes, and Vivian looks to be peacefully asleep. I’ve already gone back on my word and have decided to go home despite what I told Vivian. She’s in good hands here and Cassie needs me.
But as soon as I walk out of the door, I almost crash into Vivian’s parents. They visibly step back, in shock and surprise and rage at seeing me.
This is good. They can take over from me and keep watch over Vivian. I would have been civil and offered my hand. I would have hugged Aurora, my ex-mother-in-law, but I sense a new frostiness from them. They’ve never liked me. I’ve always been lacking for them. They would have preferred an investment banker—at the very least—for a son-in-law. They probably hoped that their daughter would marry an heir to a dynasty, or a scion of a powerful empire. Instead, she got me, a poor college professor. Those expensive private schools and Swiss finishing schools didn’t result in their daughter making a suitable match.
There is a hardness in Richard’s eyes which I haven’t seen before. Maybe because the divorce is final. It's not just something tenuous like our broken marriage, a secret that we kept hidden from Cassie and therefore never talked about openly. Now its official, and they can officially hate me.
“Look what you've done to her.” Megan's father has the audacity to look me in the eye. He knows of his daughter’s behavior, of her affairs and her casual disrespect for our marriage.
“With all due, sir. I no more poured the alcohol into her mouth than I forced the tablets down her throat,” I whisper-hiss back to him.
He looks affronted. “Show some goddamn respect. My daughter’s almost on the verge of death.”
My mother-in-law looks pained. “Stop it, Richard. It's not his fault.”
I attempt a smile, but Aurora doesn't look directly at me.
“It could have been fatal. He did this to her. He pushed her over the edge.” Richard’s face turns red. He’s seething with anger and seems to want to lash out and blame everyone but his beloved daughter. Vivian is an only child who has been the apple of her parents’ eyes. She is Daddy’s girl.
“Cassie's very upset about it all,” Aurora says, and if she's trying to heap guilt on me, it's not going to work.
“She needs me. I’m going home to her now.”
“Are you leaving?” Richard asks, his tone indicating that he doesn't think I should.
I fix him with an icy state. “There’s no reason for me to stay by Vivian’s side. She’s in good hands and you’re both here now. Cassie is the one who needs care.”
They look at me as if I’ve announced that I’m taking one of the nurses on a date.
“My daughter has just taken an overdose—”
“She will be fine. She’ll live.” My words come out all gritted and as hard as nails. But it’s true. I shouldn’t feel so callous, but this is so Vivian-esque.
“You really are a monster,” Aurora exclaims as if she’s seeing me with new eyes. I wonder what Vivian’s been telling them.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t turn a blind eye to your daughter’s affairs,” I reply. Aurora blinks so fast, I wonder if she’s got an eyelash in her eye. It’s the first time I’ve ever addressed the situation. “I’m sorry if her weekends away, and spontaneous trips caused me to be suspicious. I’m not sorry for always being there for my daughter.” I was always the stay-at-home parent for Cassie whenever Vivian went away, but I had no problem with that. I relished the time I had with just her. “You're here now,” I say coldly, relieved to get this off my chest.” “You can spend time with your precious daughter.”
I don’t wait for them to reply and make my way back to the sprawling home I shared with Vivian; the home Cassie has known all her life. I will stay with her tonight, and I pray that I won't have to move back here. Just because Vivian is having a hard time getting to grips with the situation doesn't mean that I cave in and let her dictate my life.
The divorce has tipped her over the edge. The separation was manageable because I was still married to her, but the divorce is final, and that’s what she can’t handle.
Mila is watching over Cassie who is asleep. “You go to sleep,” I tell Mila. “I'll stay the night and keep an eye on her.” I reach over, take my daughter's hand and kiss it. I'm going to stay with her. I will probably have to stay here for a while because I don't want to leave my child here with my wife.
I sit on the chair watching over Cassie in the dimly lit room. I've turned down the light on the lamp so that it’s not too bright. I don't want to leave Cassie alone, not after what she's seen. But sometime in the middle of the night she wakes up and starts crying.
