Page 54 of Tomorrow Belongs to Us
I leave Cassie watching TV and walk into my kitchen for privacy, and then I call Megan.
She still doesn’t pick up.
~~
I’ve spent the weekend with my favorite girl.
Yesterday we visited a local museum; I had to bribe her to go to that in exchange for taking her bowling afterwards. Today we went to the park and now we’re at her favorite eating place—a sushi restaurant.
We’ve almost finished, and she has demolished a big meal. It makes me happy. I love spending time with my girl. We’ve had a great weekend. I can make a life with just me and Cassie, and sharing her fifty-fifty isn’t ideal, but it will do. Having Cassie one hundred per cent of the time didn’t work, because Vivian was there. I tried my hardest to stay but for my own sanity I had to leave. I hope one day when my little girl is all grown up, she will understand why I did what I did.
It’s always in the back of my mind, trying to figure out the best way and the best time to tell her. Vivian wants me to tell her about the divorce, and to tell Cassie that I instigated it. I have no qualms about doing that and I will, when it’s official.
“Are you ready to go, Sweetpea?”
She looks pensive. There’s a glob of sauce on her chin. I tell her and she tries to wipe it away, misses, so I wipe it away.
“Mommy is sad a lot.”
“She is?” Cassie doesn’t normally talk about these things, so my attention is on high alert. “Why do you think she’s sad?”
“She says you have lots of girl friends.”
I almost choke on the sip of water I’ve just taken. “She sayswhat?”
“She says a lot of the girls at your college are your friends.”
While I’m used to Vivian poisonous remarks, and I’m aware of her ability to plant things in Cassie’s head, this is a low strike, even for her. “I have a lot of friends at the college—men and women,” I say calmly, while trying to still the raging storm in my chest.
“She says that girl we saw is a good friend, and you don’t love Mommy anymore.”
Suddenly it becomes harder to swallow the water. “She said that?”
Cassie nods, her face sullen. “Do you love Mommy?”
“I love you both very much.”
“Then why was that girl with you? Mommy saysweshould be with you.”
I touch my heart which is being punctured by my daughter’s words. I never, ever wanted to hurt her, but pain is a symptom of a break-up. “You are with me. In here.” I tap my chest. “You and Mommy are always in my heart. Do you know how much I love you? A million time more than the sky is wide and the ocean is deep.”
“Then why don’t you live with us like before?”
“Because of my work, Sweetpea.”
“Mommy says that's not true. Are you telling lies?”
Vivian, that manipulative witch. I hate lying, and I've omitted things from Cassie rather than tell blatant lies, but now she has me cornered.
“Sometimes, especially with the traffic on the highway, it takes me a long time to drive to work and back. I wouldn't see much of you because you'd be in bed by the time I left and by the time I got back. This way, my work is a short ride away, but the best thing is that we get to spend more time together.”
“I want my Mommy and Daddy to live together, like my friends' Mommys and Daddys do.”
“I understand that, Sweetpea. But sometimes moms and dads can’t live together. Sometimes, they have to live apart. Sometimes it’s better that they do.”
She frowns at me, her thin brows slanting together. Her little rosebud mouth forms a pout. “Mommy doesn't stay at home a lot. She goes out, and Mila takes care of me.”
“Mila, huh?” Mila is the live-in nanny and housekeeper Vivian’s father employed when Cassie was born. I had no say in the matter.
