Page 51 of An Unwilling Earl
Liar. In the deep of the night I think about it seriously. But in the light of the day it seems ludicrous again.
Jacob told Armbruster about visiting with Chadley, and Armbruster seemed intrigued.
“And she became angry?”
“Quite.”
“It would seem that she would want to mend the breach with them. Chadley could easily protect her from her aunt and give her a much better life than any she would have in service in America.”
Jacob shifted in his chair. “She seems most desperate to leave England.”
“Do you think there is another reason that she fled her aunt’s home? A jilted lover, maybe?”
The words angered him. Different from the anger of Cora’s passing. This was sharper. Desperate. He quickly stomped down on it, appalled at such an uncharacteristic reaction.
“Lady Morris has a strong hatred of men. She never let Charlotte near them, so I doubt there is a jilted lover waiting in the wings.”
“That doesn’t mean that Miss Morris didn’t find a man on her own.”
Jacob wanted to tell his friend that theory was preposterous. He’d kissed Charlotte—twice—and while he was no womanizer, he could tell that she’d been inexperienced and even a bit embarrassed. No, there was no other man in Charlotte’s life.
Which made him feel…relieved.
Armbruster observed Jacob for a long moment, making Jacob uneasy. He refused to meet his friend’s eyes for fear that Oliver would see the truth in them. And what was the truth? What was he hiding from Armbruster and himself?
“You have feelings for her,” Armbruster said, with an almost gleeful tone.
“Of course not.” But Jacob knew his defense was weak and lacked conviction, and he cursed himself for it.
“Good Lord, man, justmarrythe girl.”
“I can’t marry someone who is unwilling.”
Armbruster paused, and a grin spread across his face. “So you asked her?”
“No! Good God, please stop this. You’re acting like a gossiping hen.”
“The answer is just so obvious to everyone but you. She needs someone to save her. You need someone in your life before you rot away all alone in that townhouse of yours. And now that you’re an earl you need an heir and protection against the dragon mothers who will sink their claws into you.”
“I’m not alone.” That was the argument he grabbed onto?I’m not alone?Out of everything Armbruster said there was more truth in that than anything else. He didn’t realize until Charlotte came into his life how alone he really was. He had Armbruster. He had his barrister friends, and that was it. How pathetic he was.
Armbruster and the barristers were good companions at times, but those times were sporadic and unreliable.
They weren’t with him in the evenings when he was finished with work and rattled around his townhouse.
“Mrs. Smith doesn’t count,” Armbruster said.
Jacob ignored that remark. “Charlotte is determined to go to America.”
“Maybe because she thinks she doesn’t have any other options.”
“I’m not marrying her, so please stop pestering me.”
But the thought was there, always, at the back of his mind. He tried to think of Cora in those moments, but the memories of her were dimming. He’d noticed a few years ago that he couldn’t recall the sound of her voice or the exact color of her hair or the perfect pitch of her laugh.
He hated that her memory was no longer sharp and fresh but dulled and warm with the patina of time.
…
