Page 116 of Every Broken Piece
“You could.”
“But you want to be the white night.”
“I want to fix the part I broke.”
“I knew if you ever fell for someone again, that it would be special. You deserve happiness too, Gabe. Don’t forget that.”
My throat closes up. “I won’t.”
I climb the steps to my bedroom, my feet dragging. Apparently, the hike wore me out too and I consider myself in better than average shape. But it’s also my conversation with Viv that’s weighing me down.
I loved Cara so much that I felt my heart die the day she died. I swore there would never be another love like that, and I still believe that.
But it doesn’t mean I can’t love Tess. This love is different. It’s hard to describe. Cara always held a part of herself back from me. Tess allows her vulnerability to show. Cara hid her sadness. Tess lets everyone see hers. Cara would never fully open up to me about her thoughts and feelings. Tess lets it all out.
Viv is right. I need to let Tess lead this relationship. By giving her the reins, she’ll feel more in control and gain the confidence she needs to hopefully believe that we can build a happy life together.
I step into my bedroom and stop short.
Curled into a tight ball under my covers is Tess. Fast asleep on my pillow.
Well, damn. Viv was right.
I just needed to wait for Tess to come to me.
Chapter fifty-two
Tess
My simultaneous full bladder and empty stomach wake me up.
Gabe’s body is curled around mine, his arm and leg slung over me. He’s so warm that I don’t want to move, but the need to use the bathroom says otherwise.
He grumbles and tightens his arm as I slowly slide out from his hold. A glance at the clock tells me it’s a little after one in the morning.
I use the bathroom and now my stomach takes center stage. The last meal I ate was in the back of Gabe’s car so it’s no surprise I’m starving. I quietly make my way to the kitchen, hungering for another turkey sandwich like we had for lunch.
For a moment I’m distracted by the city laid out before me and the beauty of the mountains rising up behind it. I’ve lived in a lot of places, a lot of bad neighborhoods, too many crappy apartments to count, and I can honestly say that this place feels like what a home should feel like and I’m woman enough to admit that it scares the hell out of me.
He told me he loved me. Just leaned over and said, “I love you.” Like it wouldn’t rock my world. Has anyone ever said those words to me? Has anyone said, “I love you, Tess,” and meant it? How depressing that I can’t think of one instance.
So of course, when Gabe oh so casually drops those three words into my ear as the sun sank below the horizon, my first instinct was to flee. Because all my instincts are to flee and I hate that. Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I say,I love you too, Gabe?
Do I love him? Do I know what love feels like? If it’s borderline obsession when he’s all I can think about then yes, I love him. If it’s I’d give my life to protect him and even run away from him to keep him from my past, then yes, I love him.
If it’s waking up at one in the morning so content to be in his arms. Then yes. I love him.
Do I love Gabriel Strong?
I think I do.
But like always I’m too afraid to let my guard down and just live.
A therapist would have a hey-day with me. I already know they’d say I’ve never been able to trust because no one in my life has been trustworthy.
Except Gabe.
My heart tells me that I can trust it in Gabe’s hands. My head tells me to rely only on myself.
